Alex Manning - Megan Ward! A pretty gal that isn't much into video games, mainly because she sucks at them. However, she somehow manages to become the greatest gamer on planet Earth when she has to battle "Arcade" for her soul and the souls of her missing friends.

Arcade - A sentient machine/video game that eventually learns to reprogram itself because a few hundred-thousand brain cells from a young boy were used to create this soul-snatching A.I. villain. In the end, it appears that Arcade was killed by Alex, but it turns out that he has entered reality in the form of a small child! (Or is Alex eternally trapped in Arcade's virtual world?!)

I usually enjoy films from Full Moon (even the bad ones, of which there are plenty), but this one didn't quite click with me. Arcade opens with Alex chatting with a highschool counselor (?) about her mother's suicide. After their short discussion, Alex goes outside and meets up with her friends. They all decide to hang out later that evening at Dante's Inferno, an arcade where all of the local scrubs and street urchins waste their time, brain cells, and quarters.

That night at Dante's, the group of "teens" get to test out a newly created virtual reality game called "Arcade." Although the game impresses Alex and company, it failed to impress me much at all. This "all new advanced gaming world" is apparently just an endless maze full of spiked walls and giant killer skulls. Nick plays for a few minutes and dies, which is odd because he is supposed to be the video game master of the group. Greg is the next eager beaver to hop into the seat and try his hand at Arcade.

But at that exact moment, "Arcade" promoter Mr. Difford ushers everyone else into another room and gives them home versions of Arcade. Wait, what?! Ok! Time out movie! Of all the things that happen in this film, this moment is clearly the hardest to swallow. I'd believe a video game could kill me and steal my soul before I'd believe a video game company would generously hand out free gaming systems in the back room of an arcade! (I'm surprised Difford didn't offer them free candy and a ride in his windowless van. Sheesh!) While everyone is getting their freebies, Greg is somehow sucked into the machine.

Eventually Alex realizes that Greg has gone missing, but she doesn't learn the horrible truth of his vanishing act until she goes home and plugs in her new "Arcade" game. Arcade himself appears on the screen and taunts Alex with the revelation that Greg is trapped within the game. She quickly rushes out of the house and goes over to Nick's place to tell her tale and be consoled. Once these two discover that all of their friends have been sucked into Arcade, they finally do the smart thing and go to Difford for some answers.

To get into Dilford's office, Nick fabricates a tale, saying that Arcade is hurting people. (But wait, isn't that more like the truth?) Moments later he lies again and says that he just wants some tips and tricks to beat Arcade. (Huh?!) Difford takes the two of them to see Albert, Arcade's programmer, who supplies to two heroes with maps of all the levels and tips on how to beat the game. With their newfound knowledge, Nick and Alex break into Dante's Inferno and begin playing Arcade.

This all makes no freaking sense! First of all, they met Arcade's programmer and should have enlisted his aid in saving their friends. And why the hell did they have to break into Dante's Inferno to play Arcade? Why couldn't they just use one of the home gaming consoles?! Ugh!

In any case, Alex and Nick plug into the game, and manage to survive the first level. Level Two proves to be much harder and Nick nearly' dies, but is suddenly rescued from the game by Albert. (How did Albert know these two were playing the game, and how did he find them?! Start making sense movie or I will destroy you!) With Nick out of the game, all the pressure is on Alex to save the day and defeat the evil video game.

Amazingly, this complete non-gamer manages to make it all the way to the final level and defeats Arcade! Her victory releases everyone from their digital prison, including Alex's boyfriend Greg. Now this is where things could have gotten really interesting, because a bit of romance seemed to be building between Alex and Nick. I half-expected her to break some bad news to Greg, like "Sorry, I'm in love with Nick now."

But we never get that, or any kind of character development really. I guess you can chock that up to some bad screenwriting by ... David Goyer?! Seriously, the man that wrote the screenplay for Batman Begins penned this stupid movie?!

As the film ends, Alex is confronted by Arcade, though this time he's in the form of a young boy, and once again, the movie isn't making any sense! Did Arcade escape with everyone's freed souls and manifest himself into a trash-talking little boy? Is this a nightmare sequence? Is Alex somehow trapped within the "Arcade" arcade machine? I don't know, and I don't think the writer (shame on you David) or the director (curse you Albert Pyun) had any idea either.

So how radioactive is this "Full Moon classic?"

Geiger Counter Reading:

- TWO 'RADS' -

WARNING: This movie is somewhat radioactive! Multiple
plotholes, goofy "3D effects," 2D characters, and bad writing
nearly destroyed this Full Moon feature.

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Nick: "Ok so let me ask you something. If I die, is it a virtual death, or a real death? Like, do I go to virtual heaven? And do my parents collect virtual insurance money?"

Alex: "Damn it where are you!"
Arcade: "Right here bitch!"

Arcade: "Kiss reality goodbye!"

• Beginning - Psychadelic opening credits!
• 4 1/2 minutes - Ralphie! "You'll shoot your eye out kid." Hehehe.
• 9 minutes - Stilts is biting off more than he can chew here.
• 18 1/2 minutes - Greg is imprisoned within Arcade.
• 28 minutes - Oooooooohhhh ... pretty!
• 39 1/4 minutes - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A TELEVISION!
• 56 1/2 minutes - I'm getting serious Deju Vu from this reused footage!
• 72 3/4 minutes - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST ALEX!
• 77 1/2+ minutes - Psychadelic End Credits!

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