Tom Rose - A lovestruck reporter that follows Marilyn Baker to Korea.
He is constantly kissing her and buttering her up, and wants the local Buddhist Priest to handle their wedding. (Would
the marriage license hold up in America?!)
Marilyn Baker - A movie star who goes to Korea to make a film in which she gets raped. She gets
carried around by the "A*P*E" until rescued by the Korean army.
Colonel Davis - What is up with this guy? He's the biggest jerk (and one of the worst actors)
I have ever seen! His main purpose in the movie is (a failed attempt) to give it an American "feel," and to spout out some
great one-liners too.
Captain Kim - A South Korean military commander. He chauffeurs Tom Baker around in a jeep for most of
the movie, making him one of many pointless characters.
Kung-Fu Film Makers - These guys attack the giant primate because the mammoth monkey ruined their movie shoot.
Fleeing Citizens - Run for your lives! It's a guy in a cheap monkey outfit!
The Giant Shark and Giant Snake - As promised on one of A*P*E's
posters, there are in fact a giant shark and giant snake in this film. Or rather, there's a dead shark that the Ape flops
around with in a pool, and there's a plain ole boa constrictor that gets tossed at the camera for no reason.
The Ape - After escaping from captivity, this mighty gorilla wades onto a South Korean shore and begins
to "terrorize" the countryside. In reality though, the Ape is an actor in a terrifically cheap gorilla costume. How bad is
the suit you ask? Well during the scene where the Ape battles the "giant" shark, you can actually see the actor's skin peeking
out from one of his gloved hands. This pretender to King Kong's throne is Killed by South Korea's armed forces.
"Watch as it defies a giant shark, destroys a teeming city, demolishes an ocean liner, and vanquishes a monster reptile!"
So sayeth the original, and lenghty tagline, for A*P*E. Wow, this
sounds like an action-packed film that most assuredly should "Not to be confused with King Kong." Well here's the truth about
this giant ape "epic" folks: It's embarrassingly awful. Originally filmed in 3-D, I'm sure that A*P*E
looked very cool back in 1976.
However, without the 3-D aspect, the special effects in this film are so unforgivingly bad that you can't help but laugh.
And remember that aforementioned tagline? It's all a horrible lie! Here's what it should say: "Watch as it wrestles with a
dead shark, destroys horribly constructed miniatures, blows up a toy boat, and gently tosses a boa constrictor at the
camera!" Is it any wonder why this movie was a bigger flop than Dino de Laurentis' remake of King Kong?
The movie begins with two guys on the deck of a boat and talking about the cargo they're taking to "Disneyland." The
conversation is hilarious, mainly because of the poor dubbing. (Then again, these guys may not have been dubbed. Judging by
the quality of the rest of the film, I wouldn't be shocked to discover that the film makers hired "actors" who could only
haltingly speak English.) Suddenly, a giant (rubber? papier mache?) hand smashes up through the deck, causing the ship to
explode.
With the ship destroyed, the cargo, a "36-foot gorilla," wades in towards the nearby North Korean shore. (Apparently the
ocean depths off the coast of the Korean peninsula are only twenty-five feet deep.) But before the giatn gorills can reach dry land,
it is attacked by a giant shark (well since they are ripping off King Kong, so
they might as well rip-off Jaws too), or rather, the ape grabs a dead shark and flops around with it, trying to mimic an actual
battle. The mighty Ape rips the shark's (pre-cut) jaws apart, then travels onto dry land to commit random acts of
destruction.
Elsewhere in sunny South Korea, Marilyn Baker is filming a rape scene for her new film. (Since when does jubilant music play
during a rape scene? It's not supposed to be a happy or joyful moment for crying out loud!) Following along is Tom
Rose, a reporter who's desperately in love with Ms. Baker. Tom spends most of his time trying to woo the young starlet, while
in the meantime, the Ape continues to wander about South Korea, in a series of "Curious George" type scenes. It briefly tangles
with a "giant snake," ruins a kung-fu movie shoot, and plays with an unlucky gent on a hang glider.
Soon reports are called in to Captain Kim and Colonel Davis about a giant monster. The two military leaders are at first
skeptical, but end up sending the South Korean army after the (not so) great ape. Just as the army is gearing up to exterminate
the troublesome gorilla, said hairy beast discovers Marilyn during one of her film shoots, and kidnaps her. Luckily for
Marilyn, the army arrives to try and capture the Ape alive, which allows Tom to rescue her from her giant abductor's clutches.
Marilyn is safely hidden away in Captain Kim's house during the continue hunt for the Ape, but it turns out to be all for
naught when the giant horny gorilla descends on Seoul and begins scouring the city for his lost human. Naturally, the damn Ape
finds Marilyn and whisks her away to the nearby Korean mountains, where the final battle will take place. The military is
given the order to surround and destroy the pesky gorilla, but for some reason, they have a hell of a time killing the offending
primate.
Eventually, a toy artillery cannon arrives and puts the Ape out of its misery with just a few blasts. (Ok, so this thing kills
the Ape with a few shots, but all the bullets and tank shells had no effect?!) The troublesome beast falls to the ground
spewing blood, and dies. Everyone is happy about this except for Marilyn, who seems a bit perturbed that her giant hirsute
beau was gunned down. ("Oh Tom, why? Why?" The reply: "He was just too big for a small world like ours.")
And Marilyn's question at the end is, if anything else, quite poignant. In fact, that is exactly the same question I would ask
director Paul Leder in regards to why he made this film. I've played this scenario out in my mind and I'm pretty certain this
is how it would go down:
Vault Master: "Oh Paul, why? Why?!"
Director Paul Leder: "Perhaps Hollywood was just too big for a small movie like mine."
So how radioactive is this Korean rip-off of King-Kong?
Geiger Counter Reading:
- ONE 'RAD' -
WARNING: This movie is just partially radioactive! Awful special effects
and a horribly derivative plot make for a painful viewing experience.
However, this is probably the only giant ape movie where the
title creature flips off its attackers.
Sailor 1: "I know ... imagine ... almost thirty-six feet tall ... wow ... "
Sailor 2: "You know it's almost a shame to ... put a beast into captivity and ... put him on display for everyone to gawk at."
Sailor 1: "Yeah ... I know what you mean."
Captain Kim: "He says he saw footprints five to six feet long belonging to some sort of monster."
Kim's Daughter: "Monster?!"
Kim's Son: "What kind of monster?"
Captain Kim: "Eat your breakfast kids or... I'll become a monster!"
Colonel Davis: "Oh hello, hello? If you should bump into him, ask him if he's King Kong."
Colonel Davis: "What the hell are you looking at? My fly open or something?"
Colonel Davis: "Let's see him dance for his organ grinder now."
Marilyn: "Oh Tom, why? Why?"
Tom: "He was just too big for a small world like ours."
- Beginning - Who dubbed these guys? Al Gore?
- 4 minutes - Clearly a gorilla that's thirty-six feet tall can stand waist deep in the Pacific ocean.
- 4 1/2 minutes - Hey buddy, your "gorilla glove" is slipping off a bit. Hehehe.
- 5 minutes - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A DEAD SHARK!
- 6 3/4 minutes - It's suddenly daytime!
- 8 3/4 minutes - AH! 3-D Flying Barrel!
- 15 minutes - How did that guy not see the giant ape standing in front of him?
- 20 1/4 minutes - Korean amusement parks consist of swing sets, see-saws, and sliding boards.
- 25 1/4 minutes - AH! 3-D Flying Flaming Arrows!
- 39 1/4 minutes - Is this music really appropriate for a rape scene?
- 48 3/4 minutes - Dancing Ape attack!
- 50 1/2 minutes - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A HELICOPTER!
- 53 1/2 minutes - HAHAHA! The Ape flips off the Korean army!
- 67 minutes - God that puppet thing is scary. NO seriously! It is!
- 68 1/4 minutes - Whoops ... bad continuity! Hehehe.
- 76 minutes - Whoa ... Deju vù ... that helicopter got destoyed earlier didn't it?
- 80 minutes - Stop shooting at the cameraman!
- 80 3/4 minutes - AH! 3-D Rock Toss!
- 83 1/4 minutes - More bad continuity.
- 84 minutes - I guess the Ape drank a lot of cherry Kool-Aid before he was killed?
- 85+ minutes - The End Credits.
LEAVE YOUR OWN COMMENTS ABOUT THIS MOVIE IN...
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questions, personal recommendations, or information about the films reviewed here on the site! Don't be shy! Your
feedback helps make The Vault better!
Review posted on September 14, 2001.
(Review last updated on January 27, 2009.)
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