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Note: These reviews have been rescued from the archives of the OLD Yahoo Geocities version of The B-Movie Film Vault! While many are not up to my current standards, I felt that these reviews more than deserved to be a part of the new and constantly growing Vault. With that in mind, I've saved these from the depths of my old hard drive and have cleaned them up considerably in order to match the rest of the site. Check out these blasts from my writing past, and please try not to judge them too harshly. - The Vault Master


The OLD B-Movie Film Vault review archives currently contain 5 reviews!

[#] [A] [B] [C] [D] [E] [F] [G] [H] [I] [J] [K] [L] [M] [N] [O] [P] [Q] [R] [S] [T] [U] [V] [W] [X] [Y] [Z]
[Rating System]


A
B-Movie TitleRatingFilm Synopsis
A*P*E (1976)
A giant gorilla attacks South Korea in this embarrassingly awful King Kong rip-off.
Arcade (1993)
A virtual reality game steals the souls from all those who play against it and lose.
Army of Darkness (1992)
This third (and thus far) final entry into the Evil Dead series pits the trash-talking, shotgun-toting, chainsaw-carrying Ashley J. Williams against an undead army in medieval England.


B
B-Movie TitleRatingFilm Synopsis
The Beast Within (1982)
Years after a woman is raped by a monster, her teenaged offspring begins going through a 'monstrous' case of puberty.


C
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Currently No Reviews
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D
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E
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Currently No Reviews.
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F
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G
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H
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I
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J
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JAWS: The Revenge (1987)
A huge Great White Shark pursues the hapless Brody family to the Bahamas in this awful (and thankfully final) sequel to JAWS.


K
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Currently No Reviews
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L
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M
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N
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O
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P
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Q
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R
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S
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T
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U
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V
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W
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Currently no reviews.
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X
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Currently no reviews.
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Y
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Z
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My Rating System: The b-movies and cult films reviewed here at the Vault are rated according to their "radioactivity." The more radioactive a film is, the better it is! Anything that doesn't cause you to glow in the dark or mutate is probably not worth watching, but then again, to be a well-rounded b-movie enthusiast, you have to watch bad movies from time to time.

RatingMeasurement on the Geiger CounterIn Other Words...
Highly Radioactive! You may grow a new appendage primarily used to rewind a movie of this caliber, over and over again!
This movie is the best of the best! Tons of fun and highly rewatchable!
Very Radioactive! May cause you to grow a third eye, thus making your viewing experience even more enjoyable!
This movie makes for a worthwhile viewing experience.
Radioactive! The T.V. will bask in your glow!
This movie is a good way to kill some time on a boring evening or rainy afternoon.
Somewhat Radioactive. More radiation and enjoyment can be had by sticking your head in a microwave at ten second intervals. [Note: Doing so is, in reality, hazardous to your health! Don't try it at home kids!]
This movie is a waste of your precious time. Still, it does have a few redeeming qualities...
Partially Radioactive. Hardly any detectable amounts of radiation. [You'll find more radioactivity in a septic tank, which is where these types of movies belong!]
OUCH! This movie is painful to watch; may cause medical problems.
Hardly Radioactive. A brief blip on the geiger counter that is usually ignored for the betterment of humanity.
This rating is usually used in conjunction with others, however, if a film registers at only a "half-rad" then dispose of it immediately or suffer the consequences!
Not Radioactive. Since our geiger counters can't detect these flicks, many still hide in obscurity to this day. That's probably for the best.
Certain death awaits all who watch this! Ye have been warned!

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