Cannibal Flesh Riot! (2007)
Not Rated / Black & White / 29 Minutes

WARNING: THIS CAPSULE REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS!

Over the years, yours truly has viewed (and reviewed) many independent films, and I have to say that very few look (and are) as good as Gris Grimly's Cannibal Flesh Riot! Shot entirely in black and white, on a budget of about six-thousand dollars, this movie has a very polished look and is stylistically similar to what you'd see in a Tim Burton or Robert Wiene film. It's quite impressive to say the least.

Stash and Hub: Your friendly neighborhood grave-robbers.

The movie opens at a graveyard where baffled police officers are trying to figure out how the body of a recently deceased millionaire named Clarence Heckles escaped from its grave. Clues found around the crime scene fail to shine any light on the mystery, so the officer in charge of the investigation ("The Lieutenant") orders his men to dig up the grave to see if anything (or anyone) is rudely occupying Heckles' coffin.

The film then jumps back to the night before and it is here that we meet Stash (David Backus) and Hub (Dustin Loreque), two redneck ghouls who are out on a late night mission to dig up some grub. After knocking out the graveyard's drunken caretaker, the two ghouls roam about the cemetery in search of one particular grave.

Stash apparently uses newspaper obituaries as his menu and has his heart set on eating the corpse of Clarence Heckles. Wait, what? If you were going to eat someone, wouldn't you want someone younger (and fatter) to munch on? Eating an old man is probably the cannibalistic equivalent of chewing on severely dried-out beef jerky. (Yuck!)

Stash and Hub wander around the creepy cemetery in search of their dinner for quite some time, but luckily for the viewing audience, this chunk of padding is pretty easy to sit through. This is mainly because the conversation between Stash and Hub is so outlandishly funny, and oddly enough, thought-provoking.

Their chat bounces from one ghoulish topic to another including how they prepare their meals and what condiments they prefer to use with human flesh. As Stash rattles off a list of condiments, Hub gets a bit squeamish and reveals to his fellow flesh-eater that he is "afraid of condiments." (Hub's odd phobia is the result of a traumatic childhood memory of a food commercial where "little food people" were drowned in delicious dips. HAHAHAHAHA!)

At this point, Hub discovers Clarence Heckles' grave and begins the long, arduous chore of digging up the corpse. While Hub busts his hump (pun intended), he brings up the "little food people" again, and expounds on how strange it is that humans advertise "their food as people" to make said food seem more enticing. ("Well you don't like raisins? Well how bout raisins that sing and dance the f*cking oldies?!" Hahahaha!)

Stop-motion vengeance from the grave!

Eventually Hub uncovers Heckles' grave, bags the corpse and drags it out of the ground. With that task out of the way, the two hungry ghouls begin to argue over who gets to eat which half of the old man. They settle the matter by flipping a coin, and are too caught up in the moment to notice a skeleton pop out of the ground behind them.

The skeleton, and a big chunk of the ground around it, morphs into a giant claw which silently creeps up on the two unsuspecting ghouls. It grabs Hub and lifts the screaming ghoul into the air, while Stash looks on in terror. The giant hand then holds poor Hub above Heckles' open grave, which suddenly morphs into a giant bone-toothed maw. (Heh. It sort of reminds me of the Sarlacc from Return of the Jedi.)

Hub is dropped into the monstrous mouth and suffers a fate similar to that of Johnny Depp's character in the original A Nightmare on Elm St. (i.e. Hub becomes a geyser of blood and gore! Wes Craven and Sam Raimi would be proud!) Stash, thoroughly soaked with his partner's blood, is frozen with fear and can only stare at the gaping hole in the ground.

Stash doesn't stick around for too long though because a giant tentacle suddenly bursts out of the ground and starts chasing him. The panic-stricken ghoul runs into the woods, and eventually takes a spill. Luckily for the "tentacle of death," Stash fails to get back up and make a run for it, allowing the strange appendage to drag him into the pitch black night.

The film then brings us back to the following morning, just in time to for the police to finish digging up Heckles' coffin. They throw open the lid of the coffin and discover two skeletons inside of it. Sure that's pretty weird, but what makes this discovery even stranger is the fact that the skeletons are clinging to each other and still have eyes in their sockets! (Gasp!)

Stash the Ghoul: Official spokesman for the 'Cannibal Flesh Riot Diet!'

Cannibal Flesh Riot! is a fun indie film that is competently made and showcases a lot of talent in front of, and behind, the camera. Though it starts off slow (especially if you watch the director's cut, which adds a five minute intro explaining the origin of ghouls), CFR! quickly draws you in once the film's two quirky lead characters begin to exchange their (often hilarious) cannibalistic banter.

And its Stash and Hub's interaction that makes this film so entertaining. Sure there are some nifty stop-motion and CGI effects on display here, and the graveyard sets look amazing, and the soundtrack is cool as hell, but that is just icing on the cake. The most important thing is that the two main characters are interesting and mesh well together, and I'm happy to say that writer/director Gris Grimly has succeeded on both counts.

Thankfully, actors David Backus (Stash) and Dustin Loreque (Hub) are up to the task of delivering Gris' dialogue in an almost business-as-usual manner. Though David tends to chew the scenery a bit, both he and Dustin give good performances and play off each other fairly well. However, out of the two actors, I'd have to say that Dustin was my favorite; his portrayal of Hub is just so damned sincere!

I think my only real complaint about this movie is that it was too short. I would've liked to see Stash and Hub get fleshed out a bit more and perhaps see how they live their daily lives, and/or get a glimpse of their childhoods. And while we're at it, how about an explanation as to why these two ghouls were suddenly and violently devoured by a graveyard?

I assume that they were being punished for their deeds, but who exactly is dealing out the punishment? Could it be the vengeful spirit of Clarence Heckles? Or could it possibly be an avenging entity made up of the spirits whose bodies were unceremoniously stolen and devoured? Or... was it all just a bad dream? Inquiring minds would love to know!

This is one short film that could definitely work as a feature-length picture, and I for one hope that Gris Grimly decides to eventually go that route with his ghoulish creations. But, if one single half-hour Stash and Hub adventure is all we ever get, then I suppose I'll have to be content with that.

I enjoyed Cannibal Flesh Riot! quite a bit and I am more than happy to award this indie horror/comedy:


- THREE AND-A-HALF 'RADS' -

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