Walter Graham - A very wealthy, smooth-talking,
and overly chauvinistic businessman who is trying to get to the Caiman Islands in order to procure a huge
sum of money illegally. He gets bitten by the film's resident hand puppet... err.... monster, and dies.
Mike Harvey - George Kennedy! If you think that Walter Graham is a jerk, meet his buddy,
Mike Harvey. Mike's job in this film is to be a total prick, twenty-four hours a day. The
killer mutant cat gets sick of this grumpy old bastard and gives him a fatal bite.
Albert - Clu Gulager! A loveable drunk that angers the film's killer kitty
and ends up taking a plunge off the ship, never to be seen again.
Rachel - The captain of Walter Graham's luxury yacht. She's not really convincing
as a mariner, but I'll forget all about that because she's hot! She escapes from the
sinking "luxury yacht" at the film's finale.
Martin - A nerdy college student on spring break that tags along with his
buddies Lance and Corey. Because Martin is the smartest person in this film, he survives.
Bobbie and Suzanne - Delicious eye candy anyone?! These two beautiful babes
are on spring break and jump at the chance to be on a luxury cruise! Sadly, they both die:
Bobbie tumbles overboard and disappears, and Suzanne dies from a major case of food poisoning.
Lance and Corey - Lance is a jock with a horrifically large birth mark on his
neck (looks more like a vacuum cleaner induced hickey to me) and Corey is his money savvy friend.
Lance has half his hand chewed off by the killer mutant cat and then dives overboard before the
venom from the bite can kill him. Corey has his face partially melted off by steam after he damages
a pipe in the engine room.
Daryl - Walter's inside man at the Federal Communications Comission. Walter loses trust in poor Daryl and
arranges to have him dunked to death in a hot tub. Alas poor Daryl, we never got to know thee.
The Killer Mutant Cat - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This creature has to be on a top-ten list
of worst monsters ever! This seemingly friendly feline escapes from a lab after killing several doctors
and security guards. And just how can this domesticated animal cause so much carnage? Well apparently
there's a mutant cat-like critter living within the normal cat. When the creature feels
threatened, it pops out of its host's mouth and delivers a fatally poisonous bite! If you see this
film, prepare to laugh in disbelief at the killer mutant cat, which is portrayed by a very
unconvincing hand puppet!
Years ago, when I worked for a small video store chain known as
Video King, I had the chance to work at a massive tent sale. Within the huge tent, dozens of tables were set up, with
thousands of previously viewed VHS tapes scattered everywhere. As I was putting product out to fill in any gaps, I
suddenly came across a film that really did a number on me as a child: Greydon Clark's Uninvited.
I watched it on an episode of U.S.A. - Up All Night,
and for some reason, this ridiculous movie scared the bejesus out of me. After it was over, I charged out of my bedroom,
leapt downstairs in two single bounds, and ran into the living room to my two very surprised parents. (True story!) Holding the movie in my
hands, I flashed back to that fateful night and decided that I had to buy it. I had to face my childhood fear and see what
the hell made me leap down two flights of stairs like a suicidal lemming.
Uninvited begins at a laboratory where two
doctors are studying X-Rays they have taken of a seemingly normal housecat. It seems that the friendly feline has a growth
of some sort within its body that bears closer observation. The doctors take the cat out of its cage
and attempt to administer a tranquilizer, but the pesky feline escapes their clutches and runs
out the open door! (Idiots! Were you born in a barn?!) The cat is soon cornered in a stairwell
and tranquilized by men garbed in goofy haz-mat suits. One of the idiots approaches
the supposedly sedated feline, when suddenly, a tiny creature suddenly springs forth from
the cat's mouth! (Hahahaha! Where the hell did Greydon Clark come up with this?! Was he high?!)
After making short work of the haz-mat team, the cat continues its quest to escape its would-be
captors. The two doctors and two wussy security guards "lock down" the complex and
chase the cat into the parking garage. This is where one of the film's main inconsistencies
first comes into play. The size of the monster that resides inside the cat changes immensely during
each attack. In reality, the beast would probably be the size of a large rodent, and it is
when it pops out of the cat's mouth. But when the creature exits the cat completely, it's portrayed
by a rather large hand puppet. (And speaking of which, I have a gut instinct that the killer cat
hand puppet in this film is just a revamped puppet taken from Greydon Clark's previous production
of Hobgoblins.) The cat proves to be too
much to handle for the moronic lab staff, and manages to escape.
Meanwhile, in another part of town, we meet Suzanne and Bobbie, two gorgeous spring break bimbos who
are down on their luck. They can't seem to find a place to stay and decide
to take a rest in a ritzy upscale hotel. The hotel's manager tries brushing them off, until
Walter Graham steps in on the girls' behalf. Walter treats them to dinner in an effort to get
into their pants, until Mike Harvey and Albert show up. Walter bids the girls a good night and goes
off with his partners in crime to meet up with Daryl, their inside man at the FCC. After a brief
chat, Walter declares his distrust for Daryl and has him drowned in a hot tub. It's here that a completely useless
subplot is introduced, involving Walter and his gang, the FCC, three million dollars in cold,
hard cash, and a bank account in the Caiman Islands. I could explain a little bit more, but
truthfully, this subplot goes nowhere, so let's move on.
The next day, the film focuses (briefly) on its main star and catalyst. The killer kitty
pays a visit to a gas station, where a kindly attendant feeds it a bowl of milk. Then suddenly,
without warning, a burly man in a plaid shirt assaults the attendant, knocking the poor guy
unconscious. After that, the "plaid bandit" runs inside and cleans out the cash register, then takes
off in a red truck. He doesn't get too far before the killer cat (puppet) crashes through
the back window of the truck and attacks! (Hahahaha! You can see the puppeteer's arm
if you look closely here!) This results in a major vehicular accident, and the red truck rolls downhill and...
wait... that's not even the same truck! What gives?! (If you watch this film,
pay attention to the sound effects in this scene. Apparently that truck was hauling a few dozen
invisible panes of glass!) Obviously scene continuity was not an important issue during the
making of this film.
Elsewhere, Lance, Corey, and Martin, three dorky guys looking for some action on their spring break, meet Bobbie
and Suzanne. The two gals invite their new friends to join them for a cruise on Walter Graham's yacht. The group of young
coed's then head to the marina, and along the way they add another member to their crew. And I'll give you a hint as to
who their newfound friend is: He's cute, cuddly, friendly, and has a demonic puppet in his belly! Yup, they've discovered
the deadliest cat on Earth and Suzanne claims it as her own, then takes it aboard the ship! (DOH! And to add some "irony" to this
situation, Martin claims that "Cats are good luck on ships.") At this point, the movie starts to
test the stamina of even the most devout bad movie lovers. After some arguing, everyone gets
onto Walter's yacht after an agreement is reached. The gals can party, but the three college guys
have to help run the ship and serve as the crew. Then the movie really slows down and almost comes to a screeching
halt.
The kids party a bit and pair off for some lovin'. Lance gets Bobbie (lucky bastard), Corey gets Suzanne (again, lucky bastard),
and Martin actually manages to win the heart of the ship's captain, Rachel. Things are going
just fine on the ship, but that pesky cat's internal stowaway manages to damage
something in the engine room, which has later ramifications. (i.e. The boat's engine overheats and
refuses to start, thus stranding everyone out in the middle of the ocean.) On top of that, Rachel was dumb enough to allow Albert to pilot
the yacht for a while. He kept the vessel on the correct course, until he found
a bottle of booze and got totally sloshed. Albert's booted out of the bridge by Rachel and
wanders off in search of more alcohol. He does indeed find some wine and comes across the cat
in the process. Albert yells at the meowing feline and then spits some wine in its face. For his insulting behavior,
Albert gets mauled, and falls overboard.
Mike and Walter discover some blood on the deck the following day and come to the decision that
Albert got drunk, fell down and hurt himself, and then tumbled overboard. Once Rachel finds out,
she demands that they go back but is talked out of a search by Walter and Mike. Even though
their main reason for continuing onward was to become filthy rich, they give a few legit reasons for not going back.
First of all (according to them), Albert couldn't swim. And God only knows when he fell overboard and
where. It would be useless to even attempt to search for him. So they continue onward and things
start going downhill for the remaining people on the boat. Walter tries to have his way with
Bobbie (and I can't say that I blame him, she's a huge tease!) and gets into a scuffle with Lance. Then Mike shows up
and shoots Lance in the arm and is soon disarmed by Corey.
Mike delivers some punishment to Corey (which is pretty funny because George Kennedy
is as old as planet Earth) and goes to pick up his pistol from the floor. Just as Mike
grabs the gun, the mutant cat ravages his foot and gives him a pretty nasty wound. As
the old creep hits the floor, he fires randomly at the creature and misses with every shot. Moments
later, Mike dies because the little beast's bite is poisonous. According to Martin (who happens
to be a biology major), the venom causes red blood cells to duplicate like crazy, resulting
in a messy end for the person that's bitten. The prosthetic effects used for
the deaths of those infected with killer cat cooties, is fairly decent (so that's where the budget went)
and usually consists of pulsating veins, bubbling skin, and a few good squirts of blood.
Anyway, they toss Mike's corpse overboard and then decide to do something about the murderous
cat on board.
Everyone keeps an eye out for the boat's uninvited guest, except for Lance and Bobbie. They wander off and prepare
for a little foreplay, but the romantic moment is obliterated when
it's revealed that the mutant cat creature has been gnawing on Lance's (apparently numb) hand
for quite some time. Lance freaks out and runs out onto the deck of the ship, followed by Bobbie.
As he babbles on about being poisoned, he climbs a railing and leaps overboard with Bobbie in tow.
Martin and Corey dive into the sea after them but fail to find Lance or Bobbie. (Man that sucks! I
was hoping that Bobbie would survive and/or get naked at some point. What a letdown!) The next
person to bite the dust is Corey. He attempts to kill the beast by placing some poisoned traps
around the engine room. After a while, Corey goes to check his traps, only to find out that the
cat is too smart to eat the poisoned food.
Corey lowers his defenses for a split second while checking said traps, allowing the cat to spring up
and threaten him. Corey fires a gun at the vicious puppet and ends up puncturing the hull of the ship. (What?! If he fired
a high-powered rifle, or a bazooka, or something with a lot of power, this would seem more plausible. Sheesh, it makes me
wonder if someone punctured the hull of the Titanic with a starter-pistol!) Corey ends up killing himself after sealing the ship's fate, by firing a bullet into
a nearby steam pipe. The steam melts off half of Corey's face and he falls to the floor, dead. (Kind of
odd that there was even steam in that pipe, because the ship hadn't been operational for at least two
days.) Next up on the chopping block is Suzanne who is currently starving and going a bit
crazy. Martin warns her that any food that the cat comes into contact with will be instantly
contaminated. And wouldn't you know it, that pesky pet from hell managed to get into the pantry.
The pantry is locked up and completely off limits because it's better to be safe than sorry.
Everyone eats rations of wine and corn flakes, but Suzanne eventually breaks down. She manages
to steal the pantry keys from Walter and sneaks into the bowels of the ship to get a bite
to eat. Once she gets into the pantry, she comes face-to-face with the cat and freaks out a bit.
When she calms down, she samples a few bits of food and then triumphantly begins scarfing some
cereal. Unfortunately for her, Martin's theory was indeed correct.
After ingesting the poisoned food, the skin around Suzanne's throat begins to bubble out and
then pops. (So that's why supermodels never eat actual food. It kills them!)
Now there's ten minutes of movie left and the boat is sinking due to a bullet wound to the
hull. Rachel and Martin get the lifeboat ready while Walter runs into the ship to clean out his
safe. He manages to rescue some of his money, but on his final return trip to the safe, he is bitten on the neck by
the mutant kitty. Back outside, Martin and Rachel successfully abandon ship and watch from the safety of their lifeboat as
the yacht (portrayed by an unconvincing miniature) sinks beneath the waves. Though stranded out at sea, Martin and Rachel
are quite happy to be alive; even more so when they discover that Walter's briefcase full of cash is now theirs! They rejoicing
over being rich is short-lived however because that pesky puppet of death is still alive. The little beastie climbs onto
the boat and lunges at Martin, but is no match for the brainy biologist.
Martin easily fends off the ferocious puppet and tosses it into the sea, again and again. Eventually Martin gets wise
and realizes that the persistent critter is just looking for something to cling to. So Martin dumps all the money into a duffel bag that
was (conveniently) on the lifeboat, and tosses the empty briefcase out into the sea. The mutant cat hops onto the briefcase
and floats away, while Martin and Rachel manage to safely reach dry land. But what's this?! It can't be?! On an empty
beach, elsewhere in the world, we see the briefcase that the mutant cat creature was surfing on. Apparently the little beastie
found a new host, this time a black cat, and it seems that the ill-tempered mutant's "reign of terror" will continue.
Epilogue: After watching the film, I sat there, chuckling to myself. It is amazing that a movie like this could have
ever scared me, let alone any other kid who watched it. Perhaps my imagination was in overdrive that night, or maybe it was
the fact that I watched the movie in the dark. Mayhaps, the film unlocked some deep-seated fear of felines or killer hand-puppets.
I have no idea. All I know is that I have successfully faced a childhood fear and laughed in its face. (Take that Greydon Clark!)
Film Review:
Uninvited is a ridiculous and insanely stupid movie, that somehow manages
to be so bad that it's good. The whole idea of a venomous mutant creature that pops out of a normal cat's mouth in times
of stress is certainly original, and the fact that the monster is portrayed by an unconvincing hand puppet just adds to
the fun. Along with a lot of bad sound effects and a smattering of continuity errors, there's plenty of stuff to laugh at
here.
The really amazing thing about this film is that Greydon Clark actually managed to obtain some decent actors and actresses
for this film. Alex Cord (Goliath Awaits (1981), TV's Airwolf (1981)), who
played Walter Graham does a great job at being a rich sleazebag. Walter thinks he can have anything he wants and will
resort to just about anything, including murder, in order to become richer! George Kennedy (Andrew Borntreger's personal
antichrist of film) played Mike Harvey and... well... it's George Kennedy; he's a cult movie relic! He definitely should
not have been cast as a tough guy; he's just too old and isn't even remotely threatening. (He comes off as a crotchety old man;
not a violent killer.)
Clu Gulager (best known for his role
in Return of the Living Dead (1985)) portrayed Albert in this flick
and he was just awesome! Clu was a blast to watch as a goofy and loveable drunk and should've gotten a lot more screen
time. Out of the rest of the cast, the only person I'll bother mentioning is Clare Carey (Waxwork (1988), Zombie High (1987), TV's Coach (1989 - 1997)).
She was super sexy as Bobbie and was a total freaking tease in this movie. Luckily for her, this movie didn't end her
career and didn't stop her from being in some much better movies. Over the past decade, she's had roles in
such films as 44 Minutes (2003) and
Home Alone 4 (2002). (Wait, didn't I say better movies?)
The remainder of the cast was acceptable, with Shari Shattuck (Suzanne) and Toni Hudson (Rachel) providing us menfolk with
some additional eye candy. To be fair though, Shari actually managed to give her character some depth toward the end of
the film, (i.e. When Suzanne becomes more and more paranoid and desperate for food.) and Toni gives a good performance
throughout. But one really has to wonder: How many times did Greydon Clark have to yell "Cut!" because one or more of his
actors began laughing uncontrollably when menaced by the killer puppet? The fact that all of these actors and actresses
kept a straight face during filming should have earned them an Oscar.
Despite all of this low-budget horror film's shortcomings, I had a fun time watching it and I gladly recommend this
cinematic oddity to any interested bad movie fans (and to any Greydon Clark fans out there... if they exist). I can't
guarantee that you'll definitely enjoy this movie or have as much fun with it as I did, but I can guarantee this: After watching Uninvited,
you may never look at a cat the same way again.
So how radioactive is this amazingly goofy killer kitty flick?
Geiger Counter Reading:
- THREE 'RADS' -
WARNING: This movie is radioactive!
Cute girls, a ridiculous plot, George Kennedy, and one
very ill-tempered hand puppet make this obscure, low-budget
horror flick far more entertaining than it has any right to be.
DVD Review: UPDATE [11/30/09] - As of October 20, 2009,
Uninvited is now available on DVD! You can order the barebones single-disc release from
Cheezy Flix here ,
or get the double-feature disc from Liberation Entertainment (which also includes Mutant),
here !
Rachel: "Albert!"
Albert: "Captain Albert, at your service baby!"
Rachel: "You are drunk!"
Albert: "You are right!"
(Vault Master's Comment: Clu Gulager sounds and acts like a drunken Ed McMahon in this
scene. It's just plain awesome!)
Walter: "Well at least you're being consistent. You're being a dumb bitch!"
- Beginning - Oh boy... this music's bringing back some memories....
- 3:35 - Lesson learned: Never rely on a tranquilizer gun when dealing with mutant cat monsters.
- 4:30 - This security guard just has to be the love child of Screech and Eddie Deezen.
- 9:14 - So uh... is this guy a magician or a valet or... what?
- 14:54 - Swimming lessons gone horribly wrong!
- 16:21 - "I shall avenge your death kindly gas station attendant!"
- 16:54 - Not only does the truck change during this crash scene, but apparently a cargo of
invisible glass was in the back of it.
- 19:06 - Dear lord! Lance has a massive hickey on his neck! Doesn't anyone notice this?! Hello?!
- 31:25 - Oh what a tease! C'mon girls, show us some breasts!
- 36:12 - Clu Gulager is Ed McMahon in "Uninvited: The Johnny Carson Story."
- 38:01 - Who needs continuity when your monster is a hand puppet?!
- 44:33 - Martin is like the MacGuyver of biologists...
- 57:10 - Wow... that was such a tense moment. I'm not sure I can take much more. (Yaaaaaaaawn.)
- 65:26 - Killer mutant kitties love "finger food!"
- 74:28 - Hahaha. So a modern luxury yacht's hull can be pierced by small arms fire? Guess you
have to expect this when your boat is made of plastic and balsa wood!
- 80:49 - So this is what happens when a supermodel tries to ingest anything other than celery and water!
- 82:46 - Wait, that's not a mutant cat! It's a Hobgoblin!
- 87:20 - The End Credits.
Recommended Viewing:
- Uninvited features a killer cat as the film's antagonist, but is
not the only film to feature a murderous feline. (Though as far as I know, it is still the only film that has a mutant monster
pop out of a cat's mouth and kill people.) Here are a few decent films that feature killer kitties: Pet Sematary (1989),
Strays (1991), The Legend of Hell House (1973),
and Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (1990).
- Director Greydon Clark has had a pretty rough film career and has made numerous bad movies. Cheerleaders run for their lives from
Satanists in Satan's Cheerleaders (1977); a group of women from various
walks of life, join forces to battle drug dealers in Angels' Revenge (1979);
Greydon Clark attempts to blend horror and humor in Wacko (1983), which
stars George Kennedy, Joe Don Baker, and Andrew Dice Clay; Joe Don Baker plays Sheriff Geronimo and heads to the island of Malta
to bring a criminal to justice in Final Justice (1985); Greydon somehow
snagged Robert Englund to make the amazingly bad Phantom of the Opera (1989).
- The creature from Uninivited was brought to "startling life"
through the magic of puppeteering. Other low-budget horror films that have utilized puppets (with varying degrees of success)
include Hobgoblins (1988),
the Ghoulies (1985 - 1994) series,
the Critters (1986 - 1991) series, and
Munchies (1987).
Useless Trivia:
- Uninvited was featured on an episode of Svengoolie
on March 9, 2002.
- Writer/director/producer Greydon Clark has had two of of his films end up on Mystery Science Theater 3000,
namely Angels' Revenge (1979) and Final Justice (1985). Greydon
was a producer on Rick Sloane's Hobgoblins (1988), which also ended up on MST3K.
- The music for Uninvited was composed by Dan Slider
who would score several other Greydon Clark films, including Phantom of the Opera (1989),
Skinheads (1989), and Dark Future (1994).
- Greydon Clark has an uncredited role in the film as a "Lab Doctor." (My guess is that he is
the one named "Dr. Grey.")
LEAVE YOUR OWN COMMENTS ABOUT THIS MOVIE IN...
And feel free to e-mail me at vault_master[at]bmoviefilmvault[dot]com if you have any
questions, personal recommendations, or information about the films reviewed here on the site! Don't be shy! Your
feedback helps make The Vault better!
Review posted on October 12, 2005.
(Review last updated on March 5, 2008.)
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