Harry Warden - Twenty years before our story begins, a miner named Harry Warden and five fellow diggers were trapped by a methane explosion in Henniger Mine. Said explosion probably could have been avoided had the two supervisors not left their shift early to go to the town's annual Valentine's Day dance. Six weeks later, Harry was found eating the remains of his coworkers and was put into a mental institution. A year later, Harry secretly returned to his hometown to get his revenge. He murdered the two supervisors who were on duty that fateful night, and warned the townsfolk that if they celebrate Valentine's Day ever again, he would make them pay for it with blood. Could it be that after twenty years, Harry has come back to do just that?!

The slasher film has become one of the most popular sub-genres of horror cinema, though it has been losing steam as of late. The slasher film reached its zenith in the early-to-mid eighties with classics like Halloween and Friday the 13th paving the way. The aforementioned movies ushered in a "slasher renaissance" because they were cheap to make and got big returns at the box office. (Check out the massive number of slasher flicks made in the 80's here at IMDB.com.) During this surge in horror film making, our neighbors to the North took a stab at the slasher genre with 1981's My Bloody Valentine. Though the film flopped during its initial theatrical release, the movie has since garnered a cult following, and for good reason. My Bloody Valentine is a very decent entry in the seemingly endless slasher craze.

Things kick off pretty abruptly, with the first kill occurring three minutes in. The first victim is a relatively good-looking blonde who made the mistake of following a horny miner into the bowels of Henniger Mine. Things seem to be going well at first: The girl gets half-naked and begins making sexual gestures with the hose on the guy's gasmask; he starts to grope her. Yes, everything is fine and dandy until he sees the heart-shaped tattoo on her chest. Upon seeing that little red heart, the mystery man in the gasmask violently grabs the woman and embeds her on the edge of a pick-axe. Thus begins a reign of terror that the small Canadian town of Valentine Bluffs hasn't experienced in a full twenty years. And that's mainly because the townsfolk have been too terrified to celebrate St. Valentine's Day since the night Harry Warden had his bloody revenge. (As explained in the Characters Section above.)

However, that was all in the past, and Mayor Henniger and the town elders believe that it is time to move on. Therefore, they have decided to have a Valentine's Day dance at the local union hall. Old Mabel Osborne is busily decorating the entire town for the holiday, and all the twenty-year-old "kids" in town are making preparations for the big night. Although they are leery of celebrating V-Day, both the Mayor and his pal Chief Newby are just excited about the dance as the kids are. That is until Mayor Henniger gets a very special valentine from an anonymous source. After reading the cryptic poem attached to the heart-shaped box, the mayor opens it up and discovers a human heart inside! He and Chief Newby are obviously worried but take no immediate action. They pretty much adopt a wait and see policy, hoping that the entire thing is just a sick prank.

Their hopes are dashed after they discover the heartless corpse of Mabel in a tumble-dryer later that day. They keep a lid on things to avoid panicking the locals, and cancel the Valentine's Day dance. In the meantime, Mayor Henniger's son T.J. has arrived back in town after failing to make his way in California. Almost everyone is glad to see T.J. back except for Sarah, his old flame, and Axel, his girlfriend-stealing buddy. At first T.J. plays it cool and pretends he doesn't care, but he soon attempts to win back his ex-girlfriend, much to the chagrin of Axel. The love that both men hold for Sarah creates a rift between them, resulting in some pretty hard feelings. However, after an afternoon stroll with Sarah, T.J. puts some moves on her, apologizes for leaving her behind, and then gives her a big ole kiss. Realizing that he has just won a major battle in stealing his girlfriend back, T.J. suddenly finds himself in a fantastic mood.

In fact, T.J. is feeling so good that he offers up his dad's mine as a place to hold a Valentine's Day party. Everyone loves the idea except for Happy, the bartender of Valentine Bluff's local tavern. The kids all scoff at Happy's horror tales of Harry Warden and the curse that's on the town, so the old grouch decides to have some fun of his own. Happy sneaks into Henniger Mine that night (on Friday the 13th!) and sets up a spring-loaded dummy to scare the kids. After testing his elaborate prank multiple times, Happy turns to leave... then comes right back to do a quintuple check. (Can you say OCD?) Happy gleefully opens the door one last time to see his clever creation in action. This time though, the joke is on him because his dummy has now been replaced with the real Harry Warden. Happy gets acquainted with the business end of Harry's pick-axe, and is quietly dragged off into the night.

The following night T.J. and all of his friends arrive at the mine and set up their party HQ in the rec-room / mess hall. Somehow, Harry manages to sneak in and begin his murder spree. The first victim of the night is a minor character named Dave. While checking on some boiling hotdogs in the kitchen, a gloved hand grabs the back of Dave's head and shoves his face into the boiling pot o' franks. Then Harry Warden somehow manages to cleanly take out Dave's heart and throw it in the pot, and stow the corpse in the nearby refrigerator. Amazingly, nobody notices Dave's body for quite some time, and everyone writes off his boiled heart as a grotesque joke. The next victim of Harry's bloodlust is poor Silvia. She and her boyfriend sneak off from the crowd to have some alone time, but dang it, her lunk of a boyfriend forgot to bring along some beer. As is the case in any slasher film, once a boy leaves his girl alone for a moment or two (or vice versa), you know that he'll be coming back to a fresh crime scene.

In one of the film's coolest sequences, Silvia is impressively terrorized by Harry Warden before he delivers the coup de gras. Harry picks Silvia up by her head, carries her into the showering area, and impales her skull on a shower faucet! When Showerhead Silvia's boyfriend returns with the beer, he stares wide-eyed at the horrific spectacle before him. (Sadly, us viewers don't get a very good glimpse of Harry's handiwork.) Before the alarm is raised, Sarah and a group of fodder head into the mines. (Apparently the party sucked so bad that wandering around in the dank, dark mines seemed like a lot more fun.) The cast of victims for the film's final act is made up of Hollis, his girlfriend Patty, Howard, and finally the horny tag-team of Mike and Harriet. Mere moments after they reach their destination via motorized mine carts, everyone else at the party discovers that Dave and Silvia are dead. (Sheesh, took 'em long enough.) T.J. barks orders for everyone to beat cheeks and get Chief Newby, then heads into the mine with Axel to rescue their friends from Harry Warden.

Before Newby can arrive to save the day, Harry Warden racks up a pretty good body count. Mike and Harriet wander off to explore each other in the mine's old engine room. As a reward, they are both impaled with a huge drill bit off-screen. They are eventually discovered by Hollis who sadly receives two nailgun blasts to the skull. Despite his grave wounds, Hollis manages to stumble back to Howard, Sarah, and Patty before succumbing to his wounds. Howard runs off, leaving both girls behind, but luckily T.J. comes along to save the day. Eventually Axel joins the group and they all begin searching for a way out of the mine. The elevators have been disabled, so they decide to climb out via an adjoining ladder. They get about halfway up before Axel accidentally dislodges a rope, causing Howard's dead body to come tumbling down out of the darkness; the force of the fall causes the noose around Howard's neck to decapitate him. (Actually I'm not 100% sure about the decapitation because the scene was heavily edited, as were all the other gory scenes in the film. Curse you Paramount!)

Everyone decides that the ladder may not be a good way to escape, so they head back down and take another route. Along the way, Axel has an accident and falls into a pool of water that is apparently sixty feet deep. With their numbers growing thinner, T.J., Patty, and Sarah hightail it toward the last possible exit. Along the way T.J. is suddenly buried under falling debris after venturing into an adjacent tunnel alone. Sarah and Patty attempt to continue onward, but run afoul of Harry Warden. The vicious miner from Hell buries his pick-axe into Patty's stomach allowing Sarah to get away. She ends up running into T.J. (hmm... weird how he keeps showing up after someone suddenly dies) and they both make the final sprint to safety. But wouldn't you know it, ole Harry shows up just in time to hitch a ride out of the mine with his quarry. Harry hops onto the motorized mine carts and begins climbing toward his prey. Once he's in range, the town's legendary killer attacks T.J. and Sarah with his trusty pick-axe.

T.J. chooses a nearby shovel as his defensive weapon of choice and begins battling the mad miner. During their scuffle, both T.J. and Harry fall off the carts and continue to fight it. T.J. holds off his attacker with the shovel, then ducks into a small ventilation chamber with Sarah. The struggle continues within said chamber, and despite T.J. and Sarah's combined efforts, Harry just keeps on coming. The murderous miner loses his pick-axe during the quarrel but manages to pin T.J. to the stone floor. Harry brandishes a nasty-looking knife, and just as he's about to plunge it into T.J.'s chest, Sarah makes her move and tears off Harry's gasmask, revealing....

(WARNING: TWIST ENDING AHEAD! IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS THEN SKIP THE REMAINDER OF THIS REVIEW AND SEE THE MOVIE!)

... George McFly?! Oh wait, it's Axel! (My bad!) Apparently Axel witnessed his father's demise at the hands of Harry Warden when he was a youngster. We learn this via a flashback as a teary-eyed Axel stares down at T.J. Apparently Axel was so scarred by his father's death that he began to hate Valentine's Day even more than Harry Warden ever did. And since the town was starting to celebrate the holiday again, Axel figured that the only way to stop that from happening was to make the mayor and police believe that Harry Warden was back. Plus I'm sure killing people helped relieve some of the stress that comes with dating a girl like Sarah. In the end, T.J. and Sarah manage to escape certain death, while poor Axel is buried alive in a cave-in. Chief Newby, the mayor, and a large number of deputies and miners arrive on the scene and begin digging to possibly save Axel or at least recover the body.

And before I continue, can I just say that Chief Newby, though ineffectual as a law enforcement officer, is a damned genius! How many times has a lone cop gone into a dark house, cave, or forest to save some teens in peril, only to be skewered, stabbed, and/or eviscerated? It happens in almost every slasher flick; it is like a sacred rule. Surprisingly, that doesn't happen in this movie. Newby stays outside with his gun at the ready and waits for his backup to arrive. I don't know why, but I find this amazing! Anyway, the miners manage to clear away enough debris to discover that Axel is alive but not quite well. He is missing half of his left arm and most of his sanity. As he hobbles deeper into a pitch black mineshaft, away from his would be saviors, Axel issues a curse upon the town and promises to come back for revenge. Boy they better hope that he never finds a way out because he is totally pissed off and completely insane!

Film Review: My first brush with My Bloody Valentine was way back in my pre-teen years. The film played late at night on Cinemax (a channel that I watched religiously every Friday and Saturday night... for obvious reasons) and I guess it didn't impress me too much. I was probably too caught up in the exploits of a certain hockey-masked slayer, or one of his gimmicky brethren, to truly enjoy this movie. When My Bloody Valentine came out on DVD back in September of 2002, I immediately snapped it up, mainly because I have an odd obsession with owning every movie I've seen as a kid. (As of my writing this review, I am happy to say that I've tracked down nearly all of the films that I viewed during my twisted childhood.)

My Bloody Valentine turned out to be far better than I originally recalled. While it borrows a few elements from the Friday the 13th franchise (e.g. a traumatized child becomes a psychotic masked killer; an old man constantly warns horny teens of a legendary "death curse"), My Bloody Valentine manages to change things just enough to remain interesting. There's no "final girl," there's hardly any first person point-of-view shots in the film, and the killer isn't an unstoppable juggernaut. The film has a creepy atmosphere, which is greatly helped by the low-key soundtrack, created by Paul Zaza, and is further enhanced by the dreary mines that the characters wander through during the film's finale.

Another thing I enjoyed about the movie was the versatility of its antagonist. Harry Warden... err... Axel Palmer... err umm... Harry Palmer(?) mainly utilized a pick-axe, but wasn't afraid to try anything new and radical. A nailgun, a massive drill bit, and oddly enough, a boiling pot of beef franks, are all used to dispatch various characters in the film. And Harry's calling card (i.e. placing his victims' hearts within heart-shaped candy boxes and delivering them to the local authorities as a mocking gesture) is pretty original I think; it is pretty rare for the killer to give fair warning before going on a killing spree in a slasher film.

The cast in My Bloody Valentine is okay, with no one really stealing the limelight, except for Neil Affleck. (This is the guy that I keep referring to as George McFly, because he resembles a very young Crispin Glover.) Neil plays Axel Palmer, and delivers a straight performance until the last few moments of the film. As he stumbles into the dark recesses of Henniger Mine, Neil starts over-acting with zeal, and it is just awesome! His last minute dip into insanity is, to me, one of the film's saving graces. (Pity he didn't go crazy sooner.)

On the other end of the spectrum is Alf Humphrey who stars as Howard, the immensely annoying "comic relief" in the film. Truthfully, the blame can't squarely fall on Alf's shoulders since this was one of his first acting gigs. So I suppose I'd have to blame those damn Canadian script writers for making Howard such an irritating character. I'm sure that you can imagine the glee I experienced when I saw Howard's corpse get beheaded and fall a few hundred feet to the bottom of a mine. It felt justified and oh so right! (Mwahahaha!) Though I was thoroughly annoyed with Howard, his presence alone was not nearly enough to ruin this movie.

What almost ruined this film (for myself, and many of its fans) is the fact that Paramount Pictures edited the hell out of all the kill scenes in the movie! Paramount has had a long history of scalping cool moments from their horror films (just watch the numerous deleted scenes on the bonus disc from Paramount's Friday the 13th Ultimate Collection and you'll see what I mean) and what they did to My Bloody Valentine is downright unforgivable! People watch slasher films for the blood and guts (and nudity) and when you chop that out, what is the point of watching the movie? Luckily, this particular flick rises above the severe editing it suffered and has rightfully become a minor classic in the horror genre.

So if you're in the mood for a decent slasher flick and are looking for a departure from the usual horror cliches, then give My Bloody Valentine a shot. Despite Paramount's hack-job, this is still a solid piece of horror cinema that deserves some lovin'. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to mail a human heart to Paramount's offices with a little love note telling them to pull their heads out of their asses and release a completely uncut version of this movie on DVD!

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So how radioactive is this Canadian slasher flick?

Geiger Counter Reading:

- THREE 'RADS' -

WARNING: This movie is radioactive! Cool kills, cute chicks, a decent storyline,
and one angry miner with a (pick)axe to grind helps put this flick a notch above
many other movies in the slasher genre.

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DVD Review: Paramount's release of is as bare-bones as you can get; there isn't even a trailer for the film on the DVD. And the cover art for the disc is atrocious! (View it here. Download a better-looking customized DVD cover here.) Why does Paramount consistently put these classic films out on DVD with shitty artwork?! The saving grace with this disc however is the presentation of the film. The movie is shown in a clean, crisp 1.78:1 widescreen ratio (enhanced for 16 x 9 widescreen TVs) with its original mono soundtrack. While Paramount completely failed to deliver on extras and decent cover art for this release, they make up for it with their excellent transfer of the movie. That alone makes this disc a worthy purchase for fans of the film. Seeing as how My Bloody Valentine is getting the remake treatment in 2009, here's hoping for a better DVD release for the original to coincide with the new film.

Axel: "Henniger, I'll be waiting in Hell for you! Harry? Harry, I'm coming! This whole f*@cking town is going to die! I'm coming back you bastards! [creepy maniacal laughter] Sarah, be my bloody valentine. [more maniacal laughter] Da-addy, gone a-way. Harry Warden made you pay."
(Vault Master's comment: Man, you never quite grasp the level of Axel's insanity until he starts sputtering threats and saying weird stuff at the film's finale. This guy has totally flipped his lid! The townsfolk better hope that Axel doesn't escape Henniger Mine alive.)

• Beginning - Nothing kicks off a movie better than kinky miner sex!
• 2:58 - Ouch! I suppose a second date is out of the question?
• 5:11 - YEEEHAW! Beer run!
• 10:15 - What a novel idea! Instead of chocolates, give your girl a heart in a heart-shaped box this year.
• 19:52 - A bunch of drunk guys cooking meat on a car engine. Yup, this must be Canada!
• 27:15 - Coin-operated clothes dryer + old dead woman = Horrendous burnt flesh odor.
• 39:05 - You know, this prank would've worked out well had the killer not interfered.
• 43:43 - The horrors of "bobbing for boiled beef franks" graphically portrayed!
• 44:18 - So packs of wild dogs roam the streets of Valentine Bluffs at night?
• 53:28 - I know you're in shock and all, but would you hurry up and get some help! Sheesh!
• 64:05 - Harry Warden hates light bulbs.
• 68:04 - Poor Hollis gets nailed! There goes the film's only likeable character...
• 76:00 - YES! Howard is dead! Go Harry Warden, go!
• 85:16 - I guess he'll be known as Pick-Axel from now on.
• 87:39 - The End Credits featuring the "Ballad of Harry Warden" by Paul Zaza.

Recommended Viewing:

• Some say that the slasher craze began with Mario Bava's Bay of Blood (1971), but a majority of folks give all the credit to John Carpenter's Halloween (1978), which has since had seven sequels and a remake. Other major slasher franchises include Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm St., The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Prom Night, and Child's Play.
  
  
• My Bloody Valentine is a slasher film that is usually overlooked. Here are some other worthwhile films in the genre that may have escaped your radar: Tourist Trap (1979), Maniac (1980), The Burning (1981), Alone in the Dark (1982), Sleepaway Camp (1983), Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984), Slaughter High (1986) (so sue me, I enjoyed this one!), Shocker (1989) (ditto), and Popcorn (1991).
  
  
• My Bloody Valentine isn't the only holiday-themed horror flick out there. Here's a smattering of films for you to check out during your favorite holidays: Valentine (2001) (Valentine's Day), Leprechaun (1993) (St. Patrick's Day), Uncle Sam (1997) (4th of July), New Years Evil (1980), Mother's Day (1980), April Fool's Day (1986), On the Third Day (1983) (Easter!), and Memorial Day (1999). For fans of Christmas-themed holiday horror, check out Black Christmas (1974), Christmas Evil (1980), The Silent Night, Deadly Night series (1984 - 1991), and Don't Open 'Til Christmas (1984). Finally, keep an eye out for Eli Roth's Grindhouse trailer-turned-movie, Thanksgiving (2008)!

Useless Trivia:

• Back in 2001, My Bloody Valentine director, George Mihalka approached Paramount about making a sequel to the film. His offer was turned down because the original had pooor box office returns.
  
  
• The British band, My Bloody Valentine took their name from this film!
  
  
• Producer John Dunning claims to have an uncut negative of My Bloody Valentine that contains nearly nine minutes of footage that has never been seen! He has been fighting a battle to get the uncut version out onto DVD, with Paramount standing firmly in his path. (Damn it! What is their problem?! Give us what we want Paramount!)
  
  
• As stated earlier, most of the gore was trimmed from the film before its release in 1981. Here is what is missing from My Bloody Valentine: Gore was cut from the pre-credits sequence when the blonde woman is shoved onto the pick-axe; Mabel's baked corpse had more screentime; Happy originally gets a pick-axe through his chin and out his left eye before being dragged away with his eye hanging out of the socket; Dave's "death by hotdog water" scene was slightly longer; graphic close-ups of Silvia's death by showerhead were removed; a few extra seconds of Hollis' agonizing death by nailgun were replaced with a bit of stock footage; Howard is beheaded by the noose around his neck; Axel's arm is ripped off, allowing him to escape deep into the mine at the end of the film; Michael and Harriet are impaled with a giant drill bit onscreen.

Download(s):

• DOWNLOAD "THE BALLAD OF HARRY WARDEN" BY PAUL ZAZA!
  Filesize: 5.75 MB | Song Length: 2:30 | Bitrate: 320 kbps
  To download the song, right click on the link and click on "Save Target As."
  
  
  
• "The Ballad of Harry Warden" Song Lyrics
  Once upon a time, on a sad Valentine,
  in a place known as Henniger Mine.
  A legend began, every woman and man,
  would always remember the time.
  
  And those who remain, were never the same,
  you could see, the fear in their eyes.
  Once every year, as the fourteenth draws near,
  there's a hush all over the town.
  
  For the legend they say, on a Valentine's Day,
  is a curse, that'll live on and on.
  And no will know, as the years come and go,
  of the horror from long time ago.
  
  Twenty years came and went, and everyone spent,
  the fourteenth, in quiet regret.
  And those still alive, know the secret survives,
  in the darkness, that looms in the night.
  
  For the legend they say, on a Valentine's Day,
  is a curse, that'll live on and on.
  And no one will know, as the years come and go,
  of the horror, from long time ago.
  
  In this little town, when the fourteenth comes 'round,
  there's a silence, and fear in the air.
  Remember the morn, that the legend was born,
  all the shock, and the horror was there.
  
  For the legend they say, on a Valentine's Day,
  is a curse, that'll live on and on.
  And no one will know, as the years come and go,
  of the horror, from long time ago.
  
  And no one will know, as the years come and go,
  of the horror, from long time ago.
  

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Review posted on February 22, 2008.

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