Pete Adams - This blonde beau is a marine biologist that is working with Dr. McNeal to find a way to make sea life (i.e. seafood) grow quicker and larger. When the existence of a giant and highly aggressive crab is confirmed, this lunkhead is all but ready to take credit and hop to the front of the line for the Nobel prize.

The Crabs - After thousands of gallons of superheated radioactive water are dumped into the Florida Keys due to a malfunction at a nuclear power plant, the crabs living in the shallows of Virginia Key scuttle onto land and begin attacking the local populace. While this would seem to be an easy fight (bring the butter!) it turns out that the legions of crabs are being led by a giant monster crab that roars!

Over the years, various film makers have shown us what could happen if Mother Nature decided that she has finally had enough of our destructive ways. While tornadoes, earthquakes, forest fires, floods, and other natural disasters make for some pretty entertaining cinema, I prefer to see films that offer a different take on this subject, particularly ecological horror movies. These types of films are usually quite ridiculous and deliver a scenario that is usually quite impossible. Film makers have utilized everything from mutated grizzly bears, flying piranha, and even killer slugs to send a very clear message to audiences: "This may seem crazy, and maybe even a little stupid now, but if we continue to destroy our planet and tamper in God's domain, who knows what could happen in the future." Personally, if pollution and unregulated gene-splicing run rampant in the future, and if it results in the creation of anything as cool as flying piranha, then I'm all for it! Excuse me for a moment while I dump a vat of toxic waste into the local water supply...

All of this eco-horror talk brings me to Island Claws, which briefly touches upon humanity's fear of nuclear contamination. This cautionary tale begins on the small island of Virginia Key which is located just off the coast of Florida. There are three major things you need to know about this island: A) The natives are all beer-swilling fishermen, B) there is a nuclear power plant on the isle, and C) a marine biology research center is located on the island as well. With all that info in mind, let us delve into this plothole-riddled movie. Island Claws begins by introducing us to Jan Raines, a photojournalist that has decided to write an article about the work of Dr. McNeal and his staff who run the aforementioned marine research center on the island. McNeal and company are working on a way to speed up the growth, and increase the size of oceanic creatures, particularly crabs.

Soon after being introduced to the good doctor by Lynn, one of McNeal's assistants, Jan meets the "dreamy" Pete Adams. The young photojournalist is given a tour of the facility and given a brief overview of what Doc McNeal is trying to accomplish. It is here that we all learn the valuable secret to increasing the size of crabs, fish, and shrimp: Warm water! (Because you see, cold water apparently makes them grow slowly and hot water kills them so obviously warm water must make them grow bigger. Wait, huh?!) In the meantime, a small crisis develops at the island's nuclear power plant. Apparently, a valve burst somewhere within the plant, which resulted in the release of thousands of gallons of radioactive water into the ocean. While a good number of people are troubled by this, the power plant's upper crust reassures the populace that everything is fine and that there is no danger of contamination.

With their fears allayed, the islanders go about their normal daily routines and fail to notice that their pristine island paradise has been invaded by hundreds of crabs. The little buggers skitter out of the surf and head inland. Their mission? To pinch with extreme prejudice! While the crabs slowly march onward to war, life goes on for the human characters in the film. The local fishermen have all piled into "The Half Shell" for an afternoon (evening and/or night) of beer chugging and gambling on hermit-crab races. Good ole Amos is entertaining the drunken revelers with his banjo while Rosie and Moody keep the beer flowing. Pete strolls into the pub with his head in the clouds and begins chatting with Moody and Rosie about the swell gal he's just met. After learning that the girl is Jan Raines, daughter of a one Frank Raines, Moody gets irritable and refuses to explain himself.

Pete, taking the hint, heads home and Rosie and Moody have an argument over why Pete is still being kept in the dark about his parents' demise. Moody expertly manages to change the topic, and soon he is tossing back a few brews and playing his harmonica as Amos belts out "Oh Susannah" on his banjo. As night falls, the first crab attack of the film occurs. Old Amos heads home to his nice comfy school bus and prepares to get some rest, when suddenly his vehicular home is swarmed with crabs! How these buggers manage to get into the bus is a mystery to me. They manage to get on the hood and on the roof of the bus, and pour in all the open windows even though there's no possible way for them to climb the smooth exterior of the bus! (And if I'm wrong here please correct me.)

Amos is seriously freaked out by the sudden arrival of these unwelcome guests and begins swinging his banjo at the crabs, only to knock over an oil lamp and set the entire bus ablaze. As Amos dies screaming in the blaze, a peculiar roar fills the air as the bus tumbles over on its side. Meanwhile, on another part of the island, a small boat filled with over a dozen Haitian refugees reaches shore. The illegal immigrants pile out of their derelict dinghy and rush into the woods for cover. They will remain in hiding for almost the entire remainder of the film, so let's get back to the characters that matter, shall we? The following morning, Pete and Moody have a heart to heart, and Pete learns why his adoptive father got so damned ornery over the mention of Frank Raines.

Apparently years back, Frank, Moody, and Pete's dad were in business together and were planning on doing great things. However, the partnership was dissolved after Frank accidentally killed Pete's parents in a drunk driving incident. Since that fateful night, Moody has never forgiven Frank Raines, and has yet to forgive himself for not stopping the drunken trio. With this useless bit of backstory out of the way, Pete heads to work. As he unloads his pickup truck he sees Jan leaving the research center and asks her out on a dinner date. Jan accepts and rides off on her bicycle toward home. As she pedals through a forest path, she comes around a corner and sees an army of crabs blocking the road. She ends up taking a spill off her bike and runs screaming from the scene of the attack. She immediately phones Pete and has him drive her to where the crab encounter occurred.

Though they find the remains of several dead crabs around Jan's bike, Pete doesn't fully believe that the clawed critters actually attacked Jan. He decides to further investigate the matter by finding the army of crabs that caused Jan so much grief. During their search, Jan trips over an amazing discovery: the remains of a giant crab shell! (GASP!) Pete brings his find back to the lab and shows it to Dr. McNeal. Pete is downright positive that somehow, the massive crab that molted the shell is a result of their research, but Doc McNeal isn't so sure. The doc calms his eager assistant down and tells the lad that more proof is needed. (i.e. A live specimen is sort of required.) On a side note, I'm blaming the giant crab monster's origins on the nuclear power plant mishap that occurred earlier in the film.

There's no way that these guys created a giant anything just with warm water! Besides, all of their lab animals are secured in tanks. If one escaped then perhaps Pete and his mentor could jump up and down with joy, but as far as I could tell, all their crabs are accounted for. (Perhaps I'm putting too much thought into this and should just move along? Yeah, good idea.) Later in the afternoon Pete and Jan head to Moody's pub so that Petey boy can introduce his future girlfriend to Moody and Rosie. Moody, and his usually rowdy patrons, are all in a somber mood because of Amos' death which was ruled as accidental. Seeing as how the townsfolk are in mourning, Pete and Jan head out and meet up with Lynn and her boyfriend, Charlie. The two couples are having a grand time until Charlie orders some champagne, pulls out a ring, and proposes to Lynn.

Lynn hesitates to answer Charlie's proposal and things quickly get awkward at the table. Jan and Pete decide to go for a stroll while Lynn and Charlie begin to argue. To avoid making a scene and just to cool off, they both head into the woods in Charlie's jeep to talk things through. Oddly enough, Charlie is pretty calm when Lynn tells him that she likes him a lot, but doesn't love him. ("I just need time.") Lynn gets out of the jeep and tells Chuck that she wants to walk back alone to collect her thoughts. Soon after she's alone in the woods, she begins to hear something large moving through the trees. She panics and runs wildly through the trees only to take a spill, right into the oncoming horde of crabs. When she comes to her senses, she freaks out again and ends up running smack into (the still yet unseen) giant crab. Her screams of fear and pain are heard by Pete, Jan, and Charlie, who come running to find that poor Lynn's right arm has been mangled beyond belief.

After Lynn is rushed to the hospital on the mainland, Pete begins doing a little investigative work. According to the doctor that was seeing to Lynn's wounds, she was raving about a crab before she went unconscious. Pete, the smart lad that he is, goes to the scene of the attack and discovers a few dead crabs on the ground. He then goes to Amos' burnt out bus and discovers dead crabs there too. (Egads! I think these two incidents may be linked somehow!) Back in town, a local fisherman named Joe sows a seed of discontent among his fellow townsfolk. Joe is sure that some Haitians have arrived on the island and caused the fire at Amos' bus. Though Moody tries to get this thought out of Joe's mind, the little guy just can't let go of his theory, which leads to some trouble later on.

And speaking of the Haitians, they suddenly become part of the movie again as one of them sneaks into town at night and steals some fish from Joe's icebox. He chases after the desperate immigrant with a shotgun but fails to hit his target. (Though he does nearly kill Moody.) The Haitian brings his bounty of fish back to his fellow immigrants and they cook it up for dinner. Moody's dog suddenly arrives on the scene and befriends a young Haitian girl named Collette. She feeds him some fish and plays fetch with him until disaster strikes. Collette gets swiped by something hiding in a bush and is knocked unconscious, while Moody's dog (aptly named Trouble) lunges at her attacker and is mortally wounded. The Haitians grab Collette and make a hasty retreat to a safer location, while poor Trouble limps back home to his master.

As morning comes, Moody discovers the mutilated mutt and carries his wounded pet into town. Sadly, Trouble dies before Moody can get his furry friend to a vet. Moody is obviously hit hard by Trouble's death, so he heads back to his pub to call the sheriff, and probably drown his sorrows in delicious beer. Joe is on the scene and immediately blames the Haitians. He rallies his fellow drunkards into a mob and heads out into the woods with guns and flashlights. Elsewhere on Virginia Key, Pete, Doc McNeal, and Jan are chatting about Lynn and are eagerly awaiting a phone call from her doctor. The M.D. does call and tells them all to come to the mainland to be on hand when he tells Lynn that she's going to lose her arm. Later at night during their return home, the trio discover that no one is manning the bridge to Virginia Key. (Cue ominous music!)

They soon discover the bridge-keeper's dead body down near the waterfront by a damaged boat. Doc, Pete, and Jan hop in the battered craft and head towards a large fire on a nearby beach. When they arrive on the scene, the discover a massacre. Several cars are wrecked and on fire, and a few of them contain crab-covered corpses. There's also evidence in the sand that something large came out of the water and caused this mayhem. Our trio of heroes decides to split up at this point: Doc McNeal heads back to the lab to whip up enough tranquilizer to take down a monstrously huge crab while Pete and Jan go to Moody's house to get his tranquilizer gun. (Wait, huh? Why in the hell would Moody have a tranquilizer gun?!) Things do not go well for Pete and Jan's mission. Moments after entering the house, they take cover as a giant crab claw comes bursting through the roof. The house is quickly reduced to rubble.

Now, going back to the Haitian portion of the movie's plot, said Haitians seek out Moody and beg him to aid young Collette. She's still unconscious and has developed a fever and desperately needs medical attention. Moody aids the unwelcome visitors and attempts to bring them to his home, which of course is a pile of junk now. Moody and the Haitians (heh, sounds the like the name of a band) end up pulling Pete and Jan out of the debris, then make their way back to Moody's pub. The Half Shell is completely empty since Joe and his buddies are stalking about the dark woods with guns and flashlights, but eventually they tire of their search and head over to Moody's for some brews. The sh*t nearly hits the fan as Joe and his gun-toting buddies enter the bar and see the Haitians, but once these yokels realize that a child is injured, they immediately assist the people they were about to hunt down.

Now here's where the movie gets re-eally interesting because the film finally delivers on the much promised giant crab. As Moody and the gang head out onto the town's main street, they fail to notice the very obvious and amazingly enormous crab just sitting in the middle of town. The large creature quickly makes its presence known and slowly descends upon its unsuspecting human prey. Joe and his buddies fire at the creature with their guns, but the crab's hard chitinous shell proves to be bulletproof. As the battle between man and uber-crab progresses, one unlucky Haitian gets devoured, another is injured after Joe tries to pull the crab out to sea with his boat, and Dr. McNeal dies in a crash, mere moments after he arrives on the scene with the tranquilizer. (That'll teach him to brake for animals!)

Pete manages to rescue the tranquilizer before Doc's truck blows up and attempts to put the colossal crustacean to sleep. His first effort fails and results in the death of two locals (Charley! Ross! NOOOOO!) and his second attempt (using rat poison instead of a sedative) doesn't go as planned either. Out of tranquilizer darts, and out of ideas, Pete watches as Moody leaps onto one of the crab's claws and hangs on for dear life. (Even if Moody goes "over the top," this is still one very one-sided arm-wrestling match.) Moody gets swung around for a minute or two before Pete leaps into action with a splintered board. He climbs atop the monstrous crab and begins jabbing the pointy end of his stick into one of the creature's eye stalks. Eventually the eye injury kills the crab and everyone quietly gathers around the giant carcass as the film ends.

Though we don't know what happens after this point, I can certainly assume that these islanders are going to have plenty of crab-meat for at least a week or two. And eating the monster that devoured, killed, and/or maimed your friends, neighbors, and pets seems justified to me. Especially if it tastes great when dipped in butter. (Mmmm... man-eating crab... sounds delicious!)

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Film Review: I first became acquainted with Island Claws in my early teenage years. I caught it once on a killer animals marathon on USA Network (or was it TBS?) before it faded from my memory almost altogether. Then one fateful day, I randomly recalled seeing the film and, for nostalgia, decided that I must track down a copy. Thanks to a little help from my main man Dumpster Diver, I managed to purchase a VHS tape of the film and had a pleasant little trip down memory lane. So how has Island Claws held up after (as of my writing this) twenty-seven years? A whole lot better than I could have expected.

The movie showcases a fairly talented cast that does the best they can with the material handed to them. Steve Hanks (Pete) and Jo McDonnell (Jan) put in decent performances and have a pretty good on-screen chemistry. Barry Nelson (Dr. McNeal) also puts in a good performance and gives his scientific character an air of authority and charm. Sadly, McNeal is a wasted character that only gets a smidgen of screen time before biting the dust. Robert Lansing who plays Moody, gives his character some emotional depth. While he's mainly cool and collected, Moody has a cross to bear: His guilt over the death of Pete Adams' parents. While he places a lot of blame on Frank Raines, Moody also blames himself for not stopping them on that fateful night.

This whole bit of backstory alone makes Moody the most well-rounded character in the movie, but sadly, his grudge against Frank Raines never really leads up to anything. It's brought up once, then completely forgotten later in the film. This was the movie's one chance for some real drama, but it gets shoved aside for what viewers really want to see: Crab attacks! We only bear witness to a handful of these attacks (e.g. Amos' death and Jan's bicycling incident) but they're executed fairly well, especially the giant crab's big entrance near the end of the movie. While the mighty crab monster is quite dated by today's special effects standards, I thought that the large animatronic(?) creature was fairly impressive. Though the puppeted beast could only (slowly) move its clawed appendages, eye-stalks, and one or two legs, it is used to great effect and gives the puny humans a run for their money.

And focusing a bit on the film's antagonist, where hell did the monster crab come from? (I can already hear all of you smart-asses saying "From the ocean. Duh!") While Pete and Doc McNeal seem to think their warm water experimentation could be the result, it seems to me that the film makers wanted the audience to blame the giant crab's existence on nuclear contamination. And what exactly was the point of having a boatload of Haitian immigrants show up on the island? Sure one of them became a meal for the film's gi-normous antagonist, but otherwise, what was the point? They mainly scamper about the island, steal fish, and flee in terror from everyone and everything! They add absolutely nothing to the film at all!

(Random Thought: I think it would've been cool if they used Haitian voodoo, or something to that effect, to create a giant crab. Then they could send their evil creation to destroy the Americans who mistreated them upon their arrival on Virgina Key! Now that would be an awesome b-movie!)

Island Claws is a film that takes itself completely seriously and writer/producer/director Hernan Cardenas uses the "less is more" approach with his main attraction. While this does hurt the movie a bit (as does the movie's lethargic pace), the end result is an eco-horror film that can be a rather fun viewing experience. Island Claws isn't the greatest film in its subgenre, but you can do a lot worse than watch this one. If you see it in the cable listings one night, or come across an old VHS tape of it at your local mom and pop video store, give it a shot!

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So how radioactive is this tale of crustaceans gone bad?

Geiger Counter Reading:

- THREE 'RADS' -

WARNING: This movie is radioactive! Though the film moves
at a "crab's pace," things really pick up once the giant crab
goes on a rampage in the center of town! Seeing it devour one of the
unlucky Haitians is definitely worth the price of admission!

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DVD Review: Sorry, but Island Claws has yet to make its DVD debut. Here's hoping that Media Blasters or some other reputable DVD company finds a good transfer of the film in the near future and puts it out in the digital format. Until that happens, used VHS tapes can easily be found at Amazon.com and eBay, and a DVD-R of the movie can be purchased from Monsterland Toys for a reasonable price.

Jan: "How's the coffee?"
Ken: "Not bad. If you like coffee."
(Reviewer's Note: What the HELL does that even mean?! This quote boggles my mind. I can actually picture this guy at a restaurant and giving the same reply to a confused waitress. 'How's your dinner sir? Not bad... if you like dinner.')

Peter: "Traveling with some pretty fast company today."
Rosie: "Is that pretty fast, or fast and pretty?"

Jan: "I have just spent a lovely hour with the good doctor."
Pete: "Nothing serious I hope."
Jan: "Uh, no. My only problem was the crabs."
Pete: "I'm sorry?"
Jan: "In photographing them."
(Reviewer's Note: Hahahahaha! The confusion in Pete's voice and on his face is priceless when Jan tells him about her "crab problem." Uh Pete, just to be on the safe side, maybe you should have her checked before you two engage in any hanky-panky.)

• Beginning - Tonight on the Discovery Channel, "Island Claws."
• 7:15 - So let me get this straight. Warm water = big crabs?
• 7:55 - So in theory, 46,000 gallons of super-heated radioactive water = really big crabs?
• 10:40 - This crab uprising is like Mother Nature's version of the Normandy invasion.
• 14:15 - "Hey Amos! Still playin' with yourself?!"
• 22:20 - Heh. As if Florida needed more Cuban refugees.
• 26:34 - Retreat before he finds some butter!
• 26:40 - You know, you can't really blame these crabs for Amos' death...
• 34:54 - Hahahaha! "My only problem was the crabs."
• 35:08 - Crabs hate bicyclists.
• 42:45 - Wow... awkward...
• 61:37 - Moody's dog dies. :-(
• 62:48 - Woohoo! Drunken mob time!
• 67:44 - This was no boating accident!
• 76:00 - That is one stealthy, giant crab.
• 77:09 - Finally! A surefire way to deal with illegal immigration!
• 83:38 - No! Not Charley! [CRUNCH!]
• 84:52 - Oh no! Not Ross too! All the best characters, dying!
• 85:05 - Giant Crab: "Uh, can I get a beer, or are you guys closed for the night?"
• 87:15 - I guess Moody can finally have that “All You Can Eat Crab Buffet” that he’s always dreamed about.
• 88:01 - The End Credits.

Recommended Viewing:

• Island Claws is not the only film to showcase a giant crab. A huge (stop motion) crab menaces the lead characters in Mysterious Island (1961) and ends up getting boiled in a hot spring. Toho has utilized giant crustaceans in several of their kaiju eiga (monster movies) including Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster (1966) Godzilla: Final Wars (2004) which both featured Ebirah, and Space Amoeba (1970) which showcased a crab-kaiju named Ganime. Brain-eating crab creatures terrorize some folks on an island in Roger Corman's Attack of the Crab Monsters (1957), while a race of "lobster-men" make an appearance in Al Adamson's Horror of the Blood Monsters (1970). And let's not forget the giant lobster creatures called Gargons from 1959's hilariously bad Teenagers from Outer Space.
  
  
• Ecological horror films and killer animal flicks are definitely nothing new to the world of cinema. Here's a list (in no particular order) of movies from this subgenre that you should definitely watch: Jaws (1975), Frogs (1972), Slugs (1988), Piranha (1978), Day of the Animals (1977), Prophecy (1979), Grizzly (1976), and Alligator (1980). There are dozens more, but these are some of the better films I've come across.
  
  
• The giant crab from Island Claws was created and operated by the late special effects wizard Glen Robinson. Other notable films on Glen's résumé include: King Kong (1976), Flash Gordon (1980), Logan's Run (1976), and Amityville II: The Possession (1982).

Useless Trivia:

• Island Claws was the first and last film to ever be written, produced, and/or directed by Hernan Cardenas.
  
  
• Robert Lansing had a long career in television but took the time to star in several eco-horror flicks. Along with Island Claws, Robert also had roles in Empire of the Ants (1977) and The Nest (1988). Sadly, Robert Lansing (real name Robert Howell Brown) died on October 23, 1994 of cancer.
  
  
• Actress Nita Talbot (Rosie) is an Emmy nominated actress that's had a long career in television. Interestingly enough, she was in an episode of "Kolchak the Night Stalker" entitled "The Werewolf" which is sort of a funny little coincidence, considering that her last name is Talbot and all. (For those that don't follow, in 1941's The Wolfman, Lon Chaney Jr. plays Larry Talbot, who ends up become the titular movie monster. Yes, I agree. I do have too much time on my hands!)
  
  
• Island Claws is the only theatrical film that Tony Rigo (Joe the drunken, Haitian-hating fisherman) ever starred in.
  
  
• The special effects crew for Island Claws was made up of Glen Robinson, Wayne Rose, and Ray Scott. Glen (who is best known for his work on King Kong (1976)) worked on numerous films with Wayne Rose (including Logan's Run (1976), Hurricane (1979), and Meteor (1979)), and only worked on one other film with Ray Scott, namely Meatballs II (1984). Glen Robinson died of natural causes on March 27, 2002, but his two cohorts are (as of my writing this review) still very much alive and actively doing special effects work.

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Review posted on September 9, 2007.
(Review last updated on December 17, 2007.)

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