The Giant Mutant Sheep Monster - This poorly constructed creature is supposed to be the star of the film, but doesn't really get to do much until an hour in. After escaping from its incubator, the sheep monster goes on a mini-rampage before being surrounded and lassoed by cowboys on horseback, a la The Valley of Gwangi. During the unintelligible ending, the sheep monster seems to randomly explode, ending its non-existent reign of terror. Alas, poor sheepy, we hardly knew ye.

Not all movies are destined to be bad, did you know that? Some are created with the best intentions, by people who only wish to bring genuine entertainment to the masses. But sometimes, as is the case with the film I'm currently reviewing, a film maker that is blind to his obvious lack of skill and talent, can create something truly awful. And I'm not talking Ed Wood awful here; I'm talking about a messy, cinematic abortion that fails on nearly every level. Though it's definitely not the worst movie I've ever seen, Godmonster of Indian Flats is hands down, the worst film that I've witnessed in quite some time.

Actual actor reactions after seeing the final print of Godmonster of Indian Flats.

As the movie begins, we see a young sheep herder named Eddie get dropped off at Reno, Nevada. As soon as his two feet are on the pavement, Eddie marches into the nearest casino, pulls out a shiny dollar coin, and pops it into a slot machine. Eddie pulls the lever on the one-armed bandit, and instantly hits the jackpot. (Ok, I really hate you right now Eddie. I went to Atlantic City about a year ago, played slot machines for most of the day and won absolutely nothing!) Eddie cashes in his bags of coins and walks away with a nice stack of moolah. (I thought he only won two-hundred bucks, but other sources confirm that this sheep-humper got six-hundred bucks! Curse you Eddie! Curse you!)

After collecting his winnings, Eddie is congratulated by a group of people he doesn't even know, and is invited for a day of booze and fun at The Comstock. So the witless lad hitches a ride to Virginia City with his new pal, Elbow Johnson (hmm... I wonder if he's related to Rosey Palms or Palm-ela Handerson), to the tourist trap known as Virginia City. Mere moments after arriving in town, Eddie is pick-pocketed by an Old West hooker. As dumb and drunk as he is, Eddie still realizes what's happened and tries to make the thieving wench return his stolen cash.

But the good luck Eddie displayed earlier is apparently gone because he is quickly dragged out to the back alley behind the bar and beaten senseless. (Sadly, this occurs off-screen.) Eddie is later found by a kindly anthropologist named Dr. Clemens and is given a ride back to his sheep ranch. Still drunk, or maybe just punch-drunk, Eddie stumbles his way into the sheep corral, makes himself comfortable in the hay, then suddenly starts hallucinating. (Why? I have no idea. Maybe he had something slipped into his drink at the casino or at the saloon. Or maybe he chugged some moonshine that contained mescaline. It is never explained, so deal with it.)

"Oh my God! I'm a daddy! This is the happiest day of my life!"

The following morning, Dr. Clemens and his assistant, Mariposa, arrive at the ranch to check up on Eddie. They discover Eddie lying under the hay in a manger, next to a pile of bloody, pulsating flesh. According to Dr. Clemens, the living blob of gore is the mutant embryo of a sheep, but I have my doubts. I think that Eddie, not fully prepared to be the father of a man-sheep, did a "hands-on" abortion on his wooly girlfriend while in his hallucinatory stupor.

In any case, Eddie and his two friends quickly whisk the mutant creature away to Doc's lab in Indian Flats and shove it into an incubator for the next forty-five minutes of the movie. Yup, the title creature doesn't get to escape and go on a rampage for almost another hour. So what does writer/director Fredric Hobbs give us until then? A really stupid story about an old guy that refuses to sell property to a black businessman. So for now, forget all about the mutant sheep and focus on this ridiculous portion of the "plot."

Back in the day, Virginia City was a bustling mining town, but once the mine's went bust, the town began to fall apart. Then Charles Silverdale strolled into town and used his fortune to restore it to its former glory. To keep things the way they were, Charles became Mayor and started a sort of "secret society" with his cohort Philip Maldove, Sheriff Gordon, and Madam Alta. And this is all backstory that I'm sort of piecing together, because Fredric Hobbs never really explains any of this. And please, allow me to apologize for making it sound almost interesting, because it's not.

So Silverdale pretty much rules over Virginia City (and apparently Silverdale County) and knows everything about everyone, thanks to the audio surveillance system that was (secretly?) installed all over town by Sheriff Gordon. Yes, all was well and good in the Silverdale Kingdom, until the day Christopher Barnstable strolled into town, looking to buy mining leases from Silverdale and the rest of the local populace.

"Today the world mourned the passing of Rin Tin Tin. He was 75, in doggy years."

Silverdale naturally turns down Barnstable's generous offer, and becomes annoyed when the determined businessman sticks around and prepares to make offers to the other townsfolk. Since Barnstable can't be reasoned with, Silverdale and his goofy henchmen decide to frame their good-natured foe for the death of Sheriff Gordon's dog. This leads to one of the most ludicrous schemes that I've seen in any movie! During the town's big BONANZA DAYS celebration, one of the main attractions is a shooting gallery full of empty glass bottles.

Barnstable gets in on the fun and walks up to try his luck at shooting his pistol. While he's busy drinking booze from a flask and trying to impress everyone with his ability to shoot bottles at a mere ten paces, Sheriff Gordon tells his dog to play dead. When Barnstable misses a shot, the Sheriff bellows out "You shot my dog!" and the crowd instantly turns on Barnstable ("Dog killer!") despite the fact that bullets don't fly sideways! (Unless you are an assassin from Wanted, then the laws of physics do not apply.)

Later that day, Gordon has a funeral for his "deceased" pooch (un-f*cking-believable!) and fully turns the town against Barnstable. From this point on, when Mr. Barnstable attempts to talk to anyone in town about selling their mining leases, they give him the cold shoulder. But no one behaves as negatively toward this hard-working businessman as Philip Maldove. For some reason, this effeminate "tough-guy" really has it in for Barnstable, and pulls a gun on him at various moments in the film.

After refusing sexual favors from Philip, Mr. Barnstable is knocked out and framed for attempted murder.

Eventually, Maldove deceivingly acts like he's ready to bury the hatchet and invites Barnstable back to his pad for a drink. The two have a civilized conversation and enjoy some wine, and... yikes, is it me, or is there some sort of sexual tension developing here? Although, Philip acts like he hates Barnstable and wants him dead, he's getting really friendly... and really close! (God, is he going to try and kiss Barnstable?!) Perhaps Maldove is a closet homosexual and he's just been mad at Chris Barnstable for awakening the man-lust he's kept bottled up for so long. Or maybe not, because that would constitute as a "plot twist" and this film is capable of no such thing!

Anyway, the two men discuss business, and Philip reveals that he wants to go over Silverdale's head and make a deal with Barnstable's boss, Mr. Reich, owner of the largest mining corporation in the world. Christopher Barnstable, being the incorruptible man that he is, turns down the offer and says he'll have to let their respective bosses know about Phil's plans. Barnstable goes to leave and gets a full bottle of wine cracked over his skull. Despite the pain and the shock of the sudden attack, Barnstable fights back, only to get pistol-whipped into unconsciousness.

Seeing as how Barnstable could end up causing further trouble, Philip shoots himself in the arm, and plants the gun in Barnstable's hand. Since there's no justice in this town at all (and probably because he's a black man), Barnstable is incarcerated and charged with attempted murder. As if that weren't bad enough, once Phil's flesh-wound is tended to, he holds a secret meeting of the 601, a secret volunteer group that deals in vigilante justice. Maldove riles them up and leads his posse into town to pluck Barnstable from his jail cell.

THE GODMONSTER OF INDIAN FLATS? Looks more like the retarded offspring of ALF and Garfield.

The Sheriff is on duty when the 601 shows up, but ignores them as they drag Barnstable kicking and screaming out of the jail. Barnstable's captors take him to the secluded "Yellow Jacket Mine" and prepare to hang him, but luckily for Barnstable, Madame Alta knew of his impending execution. Barnstable manages to easily escape from Philip Maldove and his honkey posse, and rides off to freedom in a getaway car, with Madame Alta and Mariposa. They retreat to Doc Clemens' lab in Indian Flats, with Silverdale, Maldove, and the rest of the 601 in hot pursuit.

Barnstable, Alta, and Mariposa arrive at the lab, but Clemens refuses to let them in because he doesn't want to disturb his mutant sheep. (Which he surmises is a mutation caused by the dreaded "Phosphorous-Yellow!") This doesn't really matter because Silverdale and his posse arrive and start pelting the area around the lab with smoke canisters. The resulting attack awakens Clemens’ precious pet, and soon the mighty "Godmonster of Indian Flats" is on the loose. Already spooked by the attack on the lab, the creature is none too happy to find one of Silverdale's goons in its way once it gets outside. It whacks the unsuspecting henchmen with a deformed hoof and sends him falling to his death.

Then the retarded "sheep of doom" plods out into the open desert towards Virginia City. During it's disappointingly short rampage, the mongoloid monster briefly dances with Mariposa, scares some picnicking children, and causes an idiot to blow up a gas station. (For future victims of a mutant sheep attack, do not use fire as a weapon, especially if you are surrounded by combustibles!) The monster is eventually surrounded by an army of cowboys on horseback, and captured to be put on display at the town's museum.

The infamous "roping of Harry Knowles" sequence from Godmonster of Indian Flats!

While the movie tried to hold onto a semblance of a plot up to this point, it suddenly gives up, resulting in a completely random and inexplicable ending! Chris Barnstable is told that his efforts to secure leases for the local mines were in vain, and that his boss, Mr Reich, is super pissed at him. In fact, while Barnstable was being framed and prepped for a good ole fashioned hangin', Silverdale was working out a favorable deal with Mr. Reich. Plus, that sheisty old bastard managed to swindle all the townsfolk out of their mining leases!

Silverdale of course, candy-coats this news when he delivers a speech to the townspeople at the garbage dump. Yeah, he doesn't tell them "Hey, I own the mines and I'm having them reopened, wether you like it or not... and oh, here's an ugly f*cking retard sheep that we caught and plan on displaying to the tourists for a nominal fee" in the town hall; no, he tells them all of this at the freakin' garbage dump! Silverdale's speech throws the crowd into complete anarchy: Fistfights break out, Silverdale rants and raves, the monster explodes, some people are run-out of town, and Philip Maldove gets shot for no goddamn reason! What kind of ending is this?!

And since I'm already ranting here, why the hell is Dr. Clemens studying old bones, phosphorous gases, and a mutant sheep?! He is an anthropologist, a man that is supposed to be studying humanity from the point of view of culture. Anthropology is a social science and nothing more! ARGH! F*ck you Fredric Hobbs and your nonsensical movie too!

Film Review: Here's an interesting tidbit of information about Godmonster of Indian Flats: It never got a theatrical release! In fact, it never made it to home video until Something Weird Video put it out on DVD on October 21, 2001. While I'm all for having rare and obscure films put onto a digital format for all the world to see, I think that the folks at Something Weird should have made an exception with this title.

Ok, I am being a bit unfair toward Godmonster, but I can't help it; this movie was so bad! Director Fredric Hobbs is solely to blame for this because he wrote, produced, and directed the film and was apparently not interested in telling a concrete story. (Apparently this was also the case with his previous films.) He does do a few things right, like taking full advantage of shooting in and around Virginia City, and making the film's monster a giant mutant sheep. It's a fresh and original idea that has only been used once more, and to much better effect, in the 2006 horror/comedy Black Sheep!

But the sheep monster, which is the reason people will actually want to watch this film, is not even the focus of the convoluted storyline, even though it should be. Instead, we're forced to sit through the moronic and random adventures of Christopher Barnstable and his attempts to snag mining leases from the Mayor of Silverdale. According to the back of the DVD case, Mayor Silverdale is supposed to be severely racist, and set on lynching Barnstable. If this were true, then the movie's plot would have a little tension and be, dare I say it, interesting.

But there isn't a single ounce of racism in the film, overtly or otherwise; had Barnstable been white, Asian, Latino, or French, the movie would still be exactly the same! (Oof! You know your movie is bad when racism would have helped make it better.) Other problems with the film include its many plotholes (there's a romantic tryst between Eddie and Mariposa that is only briefly touched upon), a ton of continuity errors (some scenes in the film jump from day, to night, then back to day again), and a several stupid factual errors that I would likely ignore if I was actually enjoying the movie.

The biggest one that irks the hell out of me, is that Dr. Clemens, an anthropologist, is engaging in paleontology (digging in the mines for bones), biology (studying a living animal in a lab), and chemistry (studying the "phosphorous-yellow gas" that caused the birth of the mutated sheep). This makes no sense at all since, as I stated angrily at the end of the "Plot" section above, anthropology is strictly a social science! (Mr. Hobbs, if you ever write a story with sci-fi elements again and don't do some basic fact checking, I will make sure a robot from the future finds you and whoops your ass!)

Getting back to the film's alleged star, why the hell is referred to as "Godmonster?" Is it the head of a monster mafia? Is it a genetically engineered creature that was made with the DNA of God? Or is it God himself, come down to Earth to ravage the cities of us sinful and wayward humans? Nope, its merely a sheep that's mother inhaled too much phosphorous-yellow gas; a simple freak of nature. I would have been just fine with this movie monster's origins had it acted like a monster should.

Instead of spreading disease and pestilence with its vicious sheep-bites, or devouring children, or exhaling flames from its deformed maw, or causing some major property damage, it just sort of meanders aimlessly in the desert, until it is easily captured by a bunch of "Yee-hawing" cowboys. I realize that this was a low-budget production, but I've seen many other films made by folks who had less money to work with, that were far better. (Then again, those films weren't made by Fredric Hobbs.)

What it all comes down to is this: Fredric Hobbs should have bounced ideas off of other people, fine-tuned the script, and he should have made the monster the central focus of the story. Hell, if he threw in some "Indians" and Native American "folklore," this could've ended up as a cool little flick. But as things stand, this is one cinematic obscurity that needs to remain undiscovered. Sure, there's a few small saving graces (the majority of the cast can actually act, and do their best with what they were given), but not enough to make this film worth digging up.

---

So how radioactive is this "Baaaah-d" movie?

Geiger Counter Reading:

- TWO 'RADS' -

WARNING: This movie is somewhat radioactive!
A goofy-looking sheep monster and a funeral for a dog
are the only true saving graces of this low-budget
creature feature!

---

DVD Review: While I'm not a huge fan of Godmonster of Indian Flats, I have to say that I'm impressed with its Special Edition DVD release. The movie is shown in a 1.33:1 aspect ratio, and although there's some noticeable print damage, this is a pretty good transfer. The only audio option is Dolby 2.0 Mono, but considering the film's age (and quality), I could care less that the disc lacks Dolby Digital 2.0 or 5.1 audio mixes.

Aside from the decent presentation of the film, there are a ton of odd extras on this DVD. The two extra features that I truly appreciated, were the ultra-cool gallery of exploitation posters, lobby cards, and artwork, and the "Horrorama Radio-Spot rarities." The radio spots and poster gallery provide a glimpse back into a time when movies were made and promoted in a completely different manner. In an age of photoshopped film posters and movie trailers that give away the best parts of a flick, it is definitely refreshing to experience how things used to be. (Sigh...)

The rest of the extras on the disc are bizarre to say the least and have almost nothing to do with the film contained on the disc. There's two "Nasty Nature Shorts" that deal with rural rat control and community fly control respectively. The former showcases rats dying in traps or from poisoning, and the latter shows YOU how you can aid in the war on disease-carrying flies!

If you think those are weird, then you haven't seen anything yet. The next short contained on the disc is a clip from Fredric Hobbs' previous film, Roseland. The clip is a musical number called "You Can Not Fart Around With Love" and it is nightmarish; I couldn't force myself to sit through the entire song.

Next up is an insane fifteen-minute short called The Geek, in which a group of hippie campers go looking for the legendary Bigfoot. They actually find the mighty Sasquatch, and when one of the girls in the group gets too close, the horny Skunk-Ape rips off her clothes and gives her the ole Yeti-pole in the doggy-style position. When he finishes with her, the Sasquatch (portrayed by a guy in a terrible costume and makeup) dukes it out with her angry male buddies. (Seriously, what the f*ck possessed someone to make this short, and why did the folks at Something Weird Video even include it on this disc? The mind boggles!)

Sasquatch finally gets his revenge for all those annoying Jack Link's commercials!

Lastly, we get a short oddity called The Girl and the Geek (a.k.a. Passion in the Sun). I didn't fully watch this strange "nudie-cutie" from 1964 (I doubt most mortal men have), but from what I saw, it seemed pretty much plotless. This film is about a girl and uh... she's running from someone? No, she's been kidnapped! No wait... ah hell I don't know! What I do know is that this features a good dose of female nudity, but not the kind you may wish to witness, as the girls in this seventy-minute flick are "all natural" (i.e. they are chubby and have floppy hooters).

As you can see, you really get your money's worth with this disc, which goes for about ten bucks these days. Even if you don't like the main feature, there's plenty more to watch and suffer through. While I don't suggest picking up this particular title on DVD (there are plenty of better flicks to spend your hard-earned cash on), if you are a hardcore bad movie lover, or just have an affection for weird and obscure films, then this disc is worthy of your personal collection.

Philip Maldove: "We don't treat ladies like that up here. We're civilized. We don't tolerate, anarchy."
Eddie: "My sheep are more civilized than you."

Mariposa: "Don't be frightened. I've been following you all the way from the glory hole."
(Vault Master's comment: Hahahaha! I think this film's "script" was written way before glory hole took on a whole new meaning.)

Mayor Silverdale: "I can't accept this concept of intelligence. I say it's a... a damaged mongoloid beast!"

Christopher Barnstable: "You haven't restored the past up here. You've destroyed the present."
(Vault Master's comment: Sheesh, did Ed Wood write this dialogue?!)

Mayor Silverdale: "An eye for an eye! Violence in the name of justice! Controls the masses! It always has! Do you hear me Barnstable?! I beat you!"

• Beginning - This music offers this film a quiet dignity that is lacking in most mutant sheep movies.
• 8:07 - "My sheep are more civilized than you."
• 12:53 - Ewww... the miracle of birth my ass!
• 25:15 - Damn you movie! Stop being stupid and give me some sheep monster action, stat!
• 27:30 - Argh! Nothing... is... happening!
• 34:26 - Hooray for BONANAZA DAYS!
• 36:50 - This has to be the worst frame-job I've ever seen. Are the townsfolk really buying this?! (Yup!)
• 38:55 - Oh come on! They are actually having a funeral for the Sheriff's dog?! Unbelievable!
• 53:28 - Cripes, I think Philip is about to kiss Barnstable....
• 65:14 - Finally! The "Godmonster of Indian Flats" is on the loose!
• 66:41 - Man down! Man down! He's been hooved!
• 68:56 - "I've been following you all the way from the glory hole." [snicker]
• 73:34 - Huge sheep monster badonkadonk + idiot with a blowtorch = exploding gas station!
• 76:32 - Hahahaha! The "Godmonster" looks like it is trying (in vain) to take a dump!
• 77:38 to 79:00 - Sigh... I'd rather be watching the dino-roping sequence in Valley of Gwangi right now.
• 86:07 - Huh?! Did the sheep monster have a belly full of nitro glycerin? Why the hell did it explode?!
• 87:15 - The End Credits.

Recommended Viewing:

• If you want a "good" mutant sheep flick, then I highly recommend Black Sheep (2006). This comedic gore-fest features mutant sheep that rampage across the New Zealand countryside. The lucky victims turn into monstrous wooly were-sheep, while the less fortunate end up as mutant sheep poop.
  
  
• Godmonster of Indian Flats was released by Something Weird Video. This DVD company revels in obscure and rare cult films, and the majority of the movies they release are usually pretty awful. Some of their more notable titles that are worth checking out are: Blood Feast (1963), The Wizard of Gore (1970), Two Thousand Maniacs (1964), Deadly Weapons (1974) / Double Agent 73 (1974), Bettie Page: Varietease (1954) / Teaserama (1955), and The Gore Gore Girls (1972). You can check out their full DVD catalog here.
  
  

Useless Trivia:

• Writer, director, producer, Fredric Hobbs created the sheep monster costume for Godmonster of Indian Flats. However, according to liner notes that came with the DVD, "the creator of the giant plant from Please Don't Eat My Mother cliams to have been involved in the sheep's actual construction."
  
  
• After only doing four films (Troika (1969), Roseland (1970), Alabama's Ghost (1973), and Godmonster of Indian Flats (1973)), director Fredric Hobbs retired from film making and has since become a successful sculptor.
  
  
• Actor Stuart Lancaster who portrayed Mayor Silverdale in Godmonster..., had a prolific career in cult films, working with several famous (or in some cases, infamous) directors, including Russ Meyer (Supervixens (1975)) and Larry Buchanan (The Loch Ness Horror (1981)). Sadly, Stuart Lancaster passed away on December 22, 2000; he was eighty years old.
  
  
• Actor Christopher Brooks had a short acting career and only starred in eight films (three of which were directed by Fredric Hobbs). Aside from playing Jesus Christ in The Mack (1973), the only other notable thing about Chris' career was his shared nomination for an Emmy Award for "Outstanding Sound Editing" on 1998's From the Earth to the Moon mini-series.

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Review posted on February 9, 2009.

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