Paul - This nerdy fellow is (unfortunately)
the hero of this film. Paul is a massive computer geek who has an unhealthy obsession with
is computer "Cal." Because of his knowledge of computer technology, Paul is deemed worthy to battle
for his immortal soul against the Devil.
Gwen - Paul's bitchy girlfriend that doesn't like the idea of playing second fiddle
to a machine. Eventually Gwen pushes her jealousy of Cal aside and decides to settle down with her nerdy
boyfriend after their ordeal. (For as smart as Paul is, he wasn't intelligent enough to leave this
wench in the gutter? You should've let Satan take her soul Paul!)
Mestema - Richard Moll! Yet another incarnation of "Old Scratch." Mestema
is bored with his immortality, so every thousand years, he kidnaps anyone that he considers to
be a "worthy foe" and watches them fight for their souls. Even though Mestema is a powerful sorcerer,
his skills in hand-to-hand combat are lacking. When challenged to a fistfight with Paul, Mestema
is quickly defeated and tossed into a deep chasm full of molten lava.
Cal - The computer of limitless functions that was designed by Paul. Without Cal's help,
Paul probably would've been trounced early on in this movie, therefore, I
hereby dub Cal as the true hero of this film! Too bad she didn't mutiny and kill her creator, that
would've made for some truly entertaining cinema.
Stone Canyon Cliff dwellers - Phil and Sal Fondacaro! Two mischievous midgets
that steal Cal from Paul during the first of Mestema's trials.
Stone Canyon Giant - A stone giant that shoots laser beams from the gem on its forehead.
Paul zaps said gem with a blast from Cal, causing the stone beast to crumble to the ground.
Ratspit - Hahahaha! A goofy rubber puppet that rules over the bodies of the
dead in the underworld.
The Zombies - Ratspit's undead minions. Paul makes short work of them before moving
onto Mestema's next challenge.
Cave Troll - An odd creature that chucks explosive crystals at Paul during one
of his final trials. The moronic hell beast ends up accidentally killing itself and turns out to
be an angel that was imprisoned and turned into a cave-critter by Mestema. Now she can finally
rest in peace thanks to Paul's "heroics."
Jack the Ripper, a Wolfman, a Mummy, an African head-hunter, a hangman, an evil samurai,
and Albert Einstein - These crazy characters are all part of Mestema's private art gallery
in Hell, and come to life to cause a bit of mischief later in the film. (Well except for Einstein that is. And what
the hell is he doing in Satan's private art collection anyway? Maybe his involvement in
the creation of the atom bomb was hell-worthy?)
Two Stereotypical Cops - These two morons-in-blue hound Paul in the "Slasher" segment
of this movie. They drive around in their police cruiser and munch on donuts after they arrest
Paul as a murder suspect.
Anyone who knows me is aware of my intense love (i.e. obsession) with
movies both good and bad, especially the bad ones. However, there are some movies that even I can't
defend, which brings me to The Dungeonmaster.
While it's definitely not the worst movie I've ever seen, it was still a struggle to sit through
this relatively short feature film. The plot for The Dungeonmaster
revolves around a computer genius named Paul Bradford. Paul is the best troubleshooter in his
computer company, has a pretty (attention hungry) girlfriend, and has himself the world's only
sentient super computer. (Yet somehow, despite his amazing knowledge, Paul is flat broke!)
Yep, things are definitely going Paul's way, though his main squeeze, Gwen, isn't too fond of
Cal, Paul's aforementioned super computer. But all that will soon change because Paul has just
won Satan's lottery! After having a horrible nightmare, Paul awakens late at night to find that
he's all alone in his apartment. Moments after he goes to look for Gwen, Paul finds himself
teleported into a stone quarry surrounded by torches. And at the top of the quarry is Mestema,
better known to us God-fearing mortals as Beelzebub, Belial, and/or Satan! It turns out that Mestema
is enchanted by Paul's "magic machines" and has deemed the nerdy computer programmer as a worthy
opponent. (Yeah.... huh?!)
Mestema lays out the rules: Paul and Gwen can go free with their souls intact if Paul can survive
Mestema's seven trials! To give Paul an edge, Mestema has magically turned Paul's clunky computer, Cal,
into a small, wrist-mounted device that's capable of firing lasers. Now, this should be where the movie kicks into high gear and becomes all
sorts of exciting, but sadly everything becomes episodic and boring. Here's the breakdown of Paul's
trials and tribulations throughout the next hour of the film:
TRIAL #1: STONE CANYON GIANT - Paul is sent to a rocky landscape where two munchkin Cliffdwellers
steal Cal off his arm. Paul manages to catch up to the little buggers (how did they outrun him? One of his
strides equaled about three of theirs!) and get his stolen property back, just in time to face
off against a giant creature made of stone! Paul easily defeats his rocky opponent and teleports back
to the quarry to exchange words with Mestema. This is where things start to get redundant folks...
TRIAL #2: DEMONS OF THE DEAD - Paul finds himself in a dark cave filled with cool-looking
zombie warriors. He easily knocks down his rotting attackers and soon comes across Ratspit, the
ruler of the dead in the underworld. After a brief chat, Paul is accosted by more zombies and manages
to get rid of them by sending a laser blast into the gem atop Ratspit's wooden staff. Then Paul is faced
with his own death and wins out because he refuses to accept the fate Mestema has made for him (or something like that).
Paul wins again, goes before Mestema, pisses off the scowling sorcerer, and is sent to the next
trial.
TRIAL #3: HEAVY METAL - Paul has to save Gwen from certain death at the hands of Blackie Lawless
and the rest of W.A.S.P.! Before his girl gets a machete through her neck, Paul taps some buttons
on Cal and sends out a high-pitched sound that destroys W.A.S.P. Then he goes back before Mestema, etc., etc.
TRIAL #4: ICE GALLERY - Paul and Gwen find themselves in an icy cavern. As they venture around
they discover that it's Mestema's personal art gallery of serial killers and monsters. (And in the center
of it all, Albert Einstein sits on an icy throne with an ice crystal in hand.) Mestema heats things
up in the cave, causing all the statues to thaw and come to life. But luckily Paul saves the day
(without using Cal for once) by grabbing the aforementioned ice crystal out of Einstein's hand
and using it like a grenade. Then he goes before Mestema again, but this time we learn that Mestema
is bored and that's why he's bugging the hell out of Paul and Gwen... or something. (Truthfully I
don't think the film makers knew exactly why Paul was chosen by Mestema and for what purpose.)
TRIAL #5: SLASHER - In this trial, Paul must rescue Gwen from being murdered by a serial
killer. Though he's doggedly pursued by cops and isn't one-hundred percent sure on where to find
Gwen before she's killed, Paul beats the odds and rescues his gal at the last minute. He nails the
attempted murderer with a small laser blast (guess he set his wrist-mounted phaser to stun Captain),
grabs Gwen, and you guessed it, they end up back in the quarry to chat it up with Mestema again.
(Before I move on though, I will give kudos to Jeffrey Byron who wrote the story for "Slasher."
It's the most interesting and well thought out portion of this film.)
TRIAL #6: CAVE BEAST - Shouldn't these trials get harder as Paul heads toward the end? Of course not!
In this one, Paul faces a sort of cave troll that tosses explosive crystal shards. The beastie makes
Paul's job very easy because it ends up killing itself! Paul moves ahead in his contest against
Satan, this time without breaking a sweat!
TRIAL #7: DESERT PURSUIT - Paul and Gwen enjoy a Road Warrior-esque
adventure in this final trial. They escape from several post-apocalyptic members of Al Qaeda and
hop into a futuristic dune buggy. Things are going great for the young couple, until Mestema takes
control of their vehicle and crashes his own dune buggy into theirs! (Who would've expected the
Devil to cheat?!)
Having lost the final trial (even though the loss was due to questionable circumstances) Mestema,
demands payment from Paul and Gwen. However, Paul has a little trick up his sleeve. He challenges Mestema
in hand-to-hand combat, without any magic or other such tom-foolery. Mestema accepts and soon the
two of them are grappling, throwing each other around, and duking it out. The fight reaches its
climax when Paul pins Mestema and tries to shove his satanic foe over a rocky ledge and into the fiery
pits below. Even though Mestema is bigger (and stronger) than Paul, he ends up taking a tumble
over the edge and takes a swim in molten lava. With Mestema defeated, Paul and Gwen are returned
home. As the movie ends, they embrace one another and kiss passionately while cementing their plans for
marriage.
Film Review: The Dungeonmaster
is an obscure little title from the 80s that I managed to snag several years ago in a video
store's clearance sale. While I can't come right out and say that this movie is good, I will
say that it is very unique, in that it was filmed by seven directors in one large collaborative effort.
What's nice about this is that each separate segment in the film showcases the skills
and styles of each director. Dave Allen's "Stone Canyon Giant" segment features decent stop-motion
animation, which is one of Mr. Allen's fortes. Similarly, John Carl Buechler's bit called "Demons of the Dead" features
some relatively cool zombie makeup f/x, as well as a well-made (yet entirely unconvincing) rubber
'Ratspit' puppet. I couldn't help but laugh every time that damn thing's mouth moved as it
talked.
Essentially, this movie is all effects-driven with a very thin plot, a lousy synth soundtrack (courtesy of
the usually talented Richard Band), and almost no character development.
The final product is very disappointing, and you really don't want to cheer for the good guys or the bad
guys. You just want it to end! Mestema (played by Richard Moll) is definitely one of
the least threatening incarnations of Satan in cinema, and his adversary Paul (played by Jeffrey
Byron) is a very uninteresting hero. When your villain is a wussy version of Satan (how could the "lord of
darkness" lose in a fist-fight with a mortal nerd?!) and your hero is a guy that's fond of jogging and tinkering
with computers, you know that you're trouble. To be fair though, the movie does
have its share of fun and amusing moments and does attempt to be entertaining. And the special
effects seen throughout the film aren't too shabby either.
After I finished watching The Dungeonmaster I
couldn't help but think of it as a failed experiment. The idea of having a movie made up of short
segments that were directed by multiple film makers, is interesting and definitely sounds good on
paper, but now that I've seen the results, I'm not so sure. My guess is that there wasn't a lot
of collaboration on the final product. Perhaps each film maker shot their segments, handed over
the footage, and went off to work on other projects, leaving Ted Nicolaou to put the pieces together?
I don't know. What I do know is that The Dungeonmaster
should have been better! Even at its relatively short running time (73 minutes), this flick
is a chore to sit through and can only be enjoyed by hardcore bad movie lovers! Just keep some candy
and caffeinated beverages on hand and you should be able to survive this one!
So how radioactive is this cinematic oddity?
Geiger Counter Reading:
- TWO 'RADS' -
WARNING: This movie is somewhat radioactive! Don't bother
watching this flick unless you're very curious. And if you figure
out why Albert Einstein is residing in Hell, please fill me in!
DVD Review: Sorry dear readers, but this movie hasn't yet made it to the digital
format, which is why I had to review my old (rental) VHS of The Dungeonmaster.
If this title ever makes it to DVD, you can be sure that I'll post a review of the disc here!
Ratspit: "It comes for you!"
Paul: "You're wrong Spitrat."
Ratspit: "RAT-SPIT!"
(Reviewer's Note: Demonic hand-puppets hate it went you get their name wrong! Hahaha!)
Mestema: "Say the word and it ends!"
Paul: "The word is forget it!"
(Reviewer's Note: I'm sorry Paul, but that's two words!)
Cop #1: "What are you supposed to be in that outfit? Gumby?!" [Laughs.]
Cop #2: "I wonder where Pokey is."
Paul: "Nice outfit."
Gwen: "Yeah, another Mestema original.
- Beginning - Yeesh! They should've just put "Made by Charles Band... and some other
people" in the opening credits to save time and money.
- 3:46 - Paul gets a jogging montage. Sadly he does not get hit by a car.
- 5:36 - Thanks for turning off the horrible soundtrack Gwen!
- 14:43 - "... I dub thee, Excalibrate."
- 17:00 - Phil Fondacaro, in the role of a lifetime as Cliffdweller #1!
- 20:58 - Sheesh! A four year-old with a slingshot could've defeated the "Stone Canyon Giant."
- 23:19 - Paul, cut the wire that's moving Ratspit's mouth and he'll shut up!
- 26:56 - Battle of the Poorly Animated Dragons!
- 27:59 - How'd W.A.S.P. get suckered into being in this movie?
- 33:40 - Albert Einstein went to hell?!
- 42:20 - "What are you supposed to be in that outfit? Gumby?!"
- 54:07 - Hahaha! That stupid monster done killed itself!
- 66:06 - The Mark of the Beast! This movie belongs in Hell!
- 67:20 - The End Credits.
Recommended Viewing:
- Charles Band
has produced well over two-hundred films (most of them under the Full Moon label) but he has worked
as a director numerous times. Some of his better directorial efforts include Parasite
(the
acting debut of Demi Moore), Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn (which
features The Dungeonmaster's leading man, Jeffrey Byron),
Trancers, Doctor Mordrid, (starring Jeffrey Combs)
The Gingerdead Man (starring Gary Busey as the titular villain),
and currently, Charles is completing work on Evil Bong which stars
a pretty haggard-looking Tommy Chong!
The other directors involved with The Dungeonmaster are made up of some very familiar names. First off,
there's Dave Allen, a special effects wizard that's still going strong today. Along with his contribution
to The Dungeonmaster, he has directed Puppet Master II.
Then there's Peter Manoogian, who helmed Arena (1989), as well as
Seedpeople and Demonic Toys.
The Dungeonmaster also showcases the talents of two other directors that are still actively making films today, namely
John Carl Buechler (Friday the 13th VII: The New Blood,
Watchers Reborn, Ghoulies III,
and Troll) and
Ted Nicolaou (The Subspecies Series and
Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys).
Phil Fondacaro plays a "Cliffdweller" in The Dungeonmaster,
but this isn't the first time he's ever worked with Charles Band. You can catch
Phil in a number of Charles Band productions, such as Troll, Ghoulies II,
Dollman vs. Demonic Toys, and The Creeps. Phil
has also starred in a variety of other cult films including: Willow,
Land of the Dead, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie,
and Bordello of Blood! Phil is the man, plain and simple!
The main villain of The Dungeonmaster is the
Devil, and "Old Scratch" has seen his share of action in the cinema. Here are some other films where
heroic mortals battle Satan and his followers: Arnold Schwarzenegger tries to prevent Satan
from destroying the world in End of Days, Canadian rocker, Jon-Mikl Thor
soundly thrashes a giant (and goofy-looking) devil puppet in Rock N' Roll Nightmare, and
a man seeking revenge for his lost love becomes the devil's slave in Faust: Love the Damned.
Richard Moll who played Mestema, has had a long and illustrious career in film and TV. Most remember
Richard as Bull from "Night Court," but I remember him mainly as "Big Ben" from House.
Richard has played the villain in several other genre films, including: Galaxis,
Spiders II: Breeding Ground (a crappy Sci-Fi Channel
original picture), Scary Movie 2, and The Sword and the Sorcerer.
As of my writing this, Richard has finished up work in two new horror features called Nightmare Man
and Razor. I couldn't find too much information
about either film, but rest assured that Mr. Moll is more than likely a bad guy in both films.
Useless Trivia:
was a collaboration between
seven directors: Dave Allen, Charles Band, John Carl Buechler,
Steven Ford, Peter Manoogian, Ted Nicolaou, and
Rosemarie Turko.
The Dungeonmaster has the honor of being
the only movie to ever feature W.A.S.P.
Actor Jeffrey Byron is the godson of the late John Ford!
Sal Fondacaro has only been in four movies and starred alongside is brother Phil in every one: The Dungeonmaster,
Under the Rainbow, Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi,
and Invaders from Mars (1986).
LEAVE YOUR OWN COMMENTS ABOUT THIS MOVIE IN...
And feel free to e-mail me at vault_master[at]bmoviefilmvault[dot]com if you have any
questions, personal recommendations, or information about the films reviewed here on the site! Don't be shy! Your
feedback helps make The Vault better!
Review posted on September 8, 2006.
(Review last updated on December 10, 2007.)
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