THE VAULT MASTER RANKS... THE "FRIDAY THE 13TH" FILMS!
Article Posted on: August 18, 2010
Jason Voorhees, a hulking, physically deformed retard who returns from the dead again and again to kill horny teenagers, has somehow captured the hearts of millions of people worldwide and simultaneously maintained a healthy fan base since his first brief appearance in the original Friday the 13th in 1980. He has been portrayed by numerous actors and stuntmen (Kane Hodder!), racked up a healthy number of kills (around 160 or so), and been further brutally disfigured by multiple "final girls," fellow boogeymen (Freddy Krueger), space marines, and Corey Feldman.
Why has Jason remained so popular after all these years? Is it because he has a tragic backstory? Is it because of his indomitable spirit and will to live? Or is because of all the blood and boobs we get to see in each movie? (Correct Answer: All of the above!) For whatever reason, his presence alone has cranked up the Friday the 13th franchise to a whopping twelve movies in the course of thirty years. And right now, I am going to rank those twelve films starting with what I would consider the worst of the series, and working my way up to my absolute favorite Friday the 13th films of all time!
(WARNING: LOTS OF SPOILERS AHEAD!)
12. FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VIII: JASON TAKES MANHATTAN (1989)AKA: Mutiny on the Lazarus; Jason Balboa; Jason Takes a Stroll in Manhattan
Synopsis: Jason Voorhees hops on the "Love Boat" and heads for the Big Apple. Obscene teleportations and total idiocy ensue.
Kill Count: 17 (plus one luxury liner and one "ghetto blaster")
My Favorite Kill: A punk named Julius gets his "block knocked off" by Jason during a rooftop boxing match.
Jason portrayed by: Kane Hodder
Ah yes... Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan.... how I loathe thee! Seriously, how do you f*ck something like this up? When you hear the title, you get all giddy and envision Jason storming throughout Manhattan Island and tearing shit up. You can picture him eviscerating street thugs, beheading valiant cops, and spreading a reign of terror unseen in the annals of horror film history. And then you watch the movie and wonder.... where did it all go wrong? In "Friday the 13th Part VIII: Paramount Ruins Jason," Mr. Voorhees comes back to life in a rather convenient way (and somehow looks less worm-eaten than he did in the previous film), snags a new hockey mask, and sneaks aboard a luxury cruise liner filled with about twenty people.
But he gets to New York really quickly to start his reign of terror right? Nope! They spend the majority of the movie on that damned boat, which luckily sinks near Manhattan Island just after the third act kicks in. Instead of killing everyone in sight, Jason focuses in on the film's main characters and briefly chases them around Manhattan, while shoving rudely past everyone else. By this point, you've probably already had it with the amazing teleportations of Jason Voorhees (it reaches parody level by the end of the movie) but the filmmakers decide to kick you in the nuts one last time with a rather lame demise for cinema's greatest slasher "hero."
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Apparently toxic waste is flushed through the (rather clean) sewers of Manhattan on a nightly basis (Huh?! What is that, a "C.H.U.D." control measure?) and poor Jason gets caught in a tidal wave of green death water, turning him into an oozing skeleton with murder on its mind. Actually I'm lying horribly. It actually turns him into a shivering retarded kid that's curled up in the fetal position. (F*CK YOU MOVIE!)
Yes I completely abhor this movie and have no qualms with putting it at the BOTTOM of the list. The concept was a great one, but apparently the folks at Paramount saw this as an opportunity to finish off their bastard child once and for all. (True story: For some reason, Paramount always seemed embarrassed about the success of this series.) Luckily, this is (in my opinion) the worst of the bunch, so lets climb the ladder to the top and see what I consider to be the best of the franchise, shall we?
Seriously, the god damned teaser trailer was so amazing; HOW DID THEY MESS THIS UP?!
11. JASON GOES TO HELL: THE FINAL FRIDAY (1993)AKA: Evil Dead IV: Jason Goes to Hell; Tumor-Man Begins
Synopsis: Jason is revealed to have demonic origins and is hunted by a bad-ass bounty hunter and a high school nerd.
Kill Count: 23
My Favorite Kill: Jason gets obliterated by a S.W.A.T. army and the F.B.I.!
Jason portrayed by: Kane Hodder
You know, I almost want to put this one at the bottom of the heap as it features the worst-looking Jason Voorhees in the series (either Jason wasn't getting enough steady slashing work, or he got stun by a veritable fleet of wasps, because he is f*cking fat in this movie! And what is up with that damned mask?! Did his face eat it?!), and completely tosses his origins out the window. In Jason Goes to Hell, the mighty Voorhees chases after a would-be victim and steps right into a trap. (Unfortunately Admiral Ackbar was not there to warn him.) An army of S.W.A.T. guys and F.B.I. agents surround the (now obese) slasher and opens fire, turning him into a pile of smoking debris and flesh on the ground.
As much as I would like to say that that was the end of this mega-budget fan film, I can't because a coroner suddenly becomes overcome with the urge to eat Jason Voorhees' still-beating heart. After his snack, said coroner is now possessed by the evil demonic spirit of Jason, who then goes out to kill some people, hop from body to body (by vomiting the creature from Greydon Clark's Uninvited into people's mouths), and seek resurrection through the blood of another Voorhees. And all that stands between Jason and a newborn baby that happens to be a relative, is a nerdy guy and a bad-ass bounty hunter that is familiar with Jason's supernatural origins.
In the final act, Jason finally stops leaping from body to body and resurrects when the miniature demonic critter that gives him life, leaps out of a used up host body and claws its way into Erin Gray's "hoo hoo dilly." Since said woman was a blood-relation, Jason is reborn.... as the rotund, grunting beast we saw at the opening of the movie? The Hell?! He mowed through (roughly) two dozen people to end up back where he started? (Well... I guess it makes a little sense... he is a mongoloid after all.)
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At the big climax, Jason is stabbed with the Khandarian dagger from The Evil Dead films (Hidden Easter Egg: Look for the Necronomicon in the ole Voorhees house!) and is dragged down into the ground by big rubbery "stone" hands. Then, just to sort of apologize for the previous hour and a half, the filmmakers toss in a quick scene where Freddy Krueger's clawed hand pops out of the ground and grabs Jason's hockey mask. (Final scene written by an excited twelve-yeard old.)
To be fair, it was nice to see someone try and do something different with the Friday the 13th series, but in the end, its just a big mess of a movie. Personally, I think they should of had Jason battle a body-hopping demon rather than be said creature, and turned him into a sort of heroic figure. That way, we would have still gotten our body count, and wouldn't really have had to change the film's climax. (i.e. Jason battles the demon, kills everyone around him, forcing the demon to possess Jason before he is ultimately sent down to Hell.)
Instead we get a goofy demonic Jason that looks like he's built out of cancerous tumors.....
10. JASON X (2001)AKA: Robo-Voorhees; The Jason-ator; Uber-Jason Uber Alles
Synopsis: Jason Voorhees ends up in space, is destroyed, then gets rebuilt into an unstoppable cyborg by malfunctioning nano-technology.
Kill Count: 21 (plus one virtual reality alien, two virtual reality girls, and one space station)
My Favorite Kill: Jason uses a "virtual reality girl in a sleeping bag" to beat another "virtual reality girl in a sleeping bag" to death.
Jason portrayed by: Kane Hodder
Present Day Earth: David Cronenberg and the military have captured Jason and are running tests to see why the unstoppable mongoloid murder machine keeps ticking. Apparently Jason has a fast healing factor that would put Wolverine to shame and the military is trying to recreate it. Unfortunately for them, Jason breaks those chains that bind him and goes on a killing spree before being cryogenically frozen by (and with) Lexa Doig (super science hotty!).
Futuristic Earth: Skip ahead to the year 2455 where a group of students on a science vessel from Earth 2 venture to the wastelands of Ye Olde Planete Earthe and discover both Lexa Doig and the Voorheescicle. The kids, not knowing what they have, bring both frozen bodies back to their ship. Lexa's natural hotness thaws her out, and she warns everyone about the danger that is to come. In the meantime, Jason thaws out and goes on a killing spree in his all new and confusing environment, so some space marines are called in to up the kill count.
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Eventually Jason is defeated when one of the young students weaponizes his super-hot robotic girlfriend. She soundly defeats the once unstoppable killer but wait... what's this?! Jason's corpse fell into a nano-tech machine that heals wounded people, but because so much of his tissue has been lost, those pesky nanites decide to infuse the soon-to-be-reanimated corpse with space-age steel. (Whoops!) In no time at all, Uber-Jason is born and causing trouble for our main characters. In the end (in true Alien fashion) they escape their space station before it blows up. And Jason? Well, he ends up on "Earth Dos," ready to use his newly augmented body to kill futuristic campers and horny teens.
Jason X is a huge departure from all the other films and has its tongue firmly in cheek. I know quite a few fans that despise this movie, but I for one enjoy it. The filmmakers and cast are obviously not taking this movie seriously, so to truly enjoy it, you have to have that sort of mindset. In conclusion, this movie is dumb, but in a fun way, and if anything should be taken as a really well done fan film.
Plus, how can you truly hate any movie whose trailer is voiced over by Optimus Prime?!
Yes. Evil Gets an Upgrade indeed.
9. FREDDY VS. JASON (2003)AKA: Duel of the Mismatched Horror Icons; Burn Victim vs. Giant Tard; Robert Englund Needed a Paycheck: The Movie
Synopsis: Freddy uses Jason to strike fear into the people of Springwood, then tries to kill Jason because he's hogging all the victims.
Kill Count: 22 (23 if you count Freddy; also, it is still unknown how many ravers Jason kills in the film, so the total may be higher.)
My Favorite Kill: Jason's patented "Craftmatic Adjustable DEATH" moment in the film, when he folds a dude in half with a bed!
Jason portrayed by: Ken Kirzinger
Freddy Krueger portrayed by: Robert Englund
Egads.... where do I begin here? Freddy vs. Jason is one of those dream films that we all talked about for days on end.... when we were ten years old. When I first heard it was going into production I was quite frankly shocked, and admittedly a little excited too. When I first saw it, I mostly hated it, particularly because a lot of the dialogue (and the acting) is so awful.
The idea of this crossover is that Freddy is held in check now and trapped in limbo because everyone in Springwood takes Hypnocil and no longer dreams. Somehow, he discovers Jason in far off Crystal Lake, NJ and resuscitates the sleeping slasher. Posing as Pamela Voorhees, Freddy sends Jason to Springwood to start hacking through the locals, and begins to slowly make his presence known in dreams.
Freddy's convoluted plan actually begins to work, but he is denied any murderous satisfaction because Jason is too damned single-minded to just quit killing people. So how can a bodiless dream demon put the kibosh on his sleepless foe? By possessing a stoner (utilizing a twisted form of the hookah-smoking caterpillar from "Alice In Wonderland") and using his body to inject Jason with a lethal dose of tranquilizers. Jason zonks out and battles Freddy relentlessly in dreamland until Mr. Krueger finds Jason's one big fear: Water. (Yeah... seeing as how Jason spends a lot of time in the water in his undead form, this makes no sense whatsoever.)
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Luckily Jason overcomes this plothole (which is one of many) and eventually duels with the Springwood Slasher in the real world in a fairly entertaining matchup. Seeing as how Jason is the lesser of two evils, the remaining characters in the film decide to help him defeat Freddy, resulting in Krueger's eventual decapitation.
Looking back now, it is a really fun (though heavily flawed) movie that does manage to get a few things right. Jason's nightmare sequence as a kid at Crystal Lake is particularly well done, and Robert Englund brings back the "dirty old man" version of Freddy that was sorely missing from later entries in the Nightmare on Elm St. series. There's also a lot of little homages to both franchises sprinkled throughout the film that should elicit a genuine smile from you before one of the main characters says or does something completely idiotic and makes you cringe.
It's far from perfect and it's not art, but damn it, this is a fun movie.
8. FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 (1981)AKA: The Camp That Dreaded Sundown; I Am Not an Animal: The Jason Voorhees Story; The Bagman Cometh
Synopsis: Camp Crystal Lake is about to be opened up again and a bag-headed Jason Voorhees will have none of it!
Kill Count: 10
My Favorite Kill: Mark, the wheelchair-bound gent, gets a machete to the face and rolls backwards down a long flight of stairs. Epic!
Jason portrayed by: Warrington Gillette
Out of all the original Friday the 13th films, Part 2 has to be one of my least favorites, if only because it is a bit on the boring side. Plus Jason isn't, shall we say, fully leveled up here, so he suffers defeat after a few embarrassing blunders on his part. But before I get into that, lets take a quick look at this first official Jason film, shall we?
A fellow named Paul Holt is setting up a campground next to the remains of Ye Olde Camp Crystal Lake, which is now referred to as Camp Blood. He tells his staff to stay away from the old camp, but naturally no one listens, and soon a mysterious figure wearing redneck clothes and a burlap sack over his head, begins knocking off people one at a time. By the end of the film, the only person left alive is a counselor named Ginny Field, who manages to give "Deliverance Voorhees" a real run for his money.
She evades his attacks and manages to stay one step ahead of him until she unleashes her secret weapon: PSYCHOLOGY! You see, Ginny is studying to be a psych major and she turns the tables on her attacker when she finds his homemade shack in the woods. In a back room of the ramshackle building, there's a shrine to Pamela Voorhees complete with her head, rotting body with sweater, and lots of candles for mood lighting. Ginny bars the door and swipes Pam's sweater and puts it on, then pretends to be Jason's mother.
Jason's mind is simply f*cked by this turn of events and Ginny manages to grab a nearby machete and slam it into her would be killer. She escapes with her life, but as the film ends, we see that Jason is merely wounded and though he's in terrible pain, he's ready to bring on some pain of his own!
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Friday the 13th: Part 2 is one of the weaker entries in the series as it has a lot of padding before the body count begins, and on that note, at only ten kills, it leaves a lot to be desired for slasher fans. The one cool thing about this movie is that it adds a bit to the Jason mythology (he didn't drown and most likely witnessed his mother's demise while living like a feral child in the woods), gives him a bit of a sympathetic edge, and showcases Jason's gradual rise to slasher superstardom.
What I mean by that last part is that in Part 2, Jason proves to be utterly stupid and clumsy, though at times he can be pretty friggin' sneaky and clever. But when he has his big battle of wits with Ginny at the climax, she really makes him look bad. The most hilarious moment in the film comes when Jason is in Ginny's cabin and fools her into thinking that he left.
As she's under the bed (and pissing her pants), Jason silently stands next to the bed, on a chair, with his trusty pitchfork in hand. When Ginny thinks he's gone, she begins to crawl out, sees Jason staring down at her, and screams. Most likely feeling triumphant, Jason raises the pitchfork for the kill, when suddenly, the chair crumbles beneath his weight and he takes a spill. All I can say to that is "DOH!"
This first sequel to Friday the 13th isn't one of my biggest favorites, but I must admit it that it bridges the first and third films together quite well. And although bag-head Jason doesn't do so hot on this first killing spree (blame it on the limited visiblity of the bag!), he has it almost perfected in the next installment.
7. FRIDAY THE 13TH (2009)AKA: Stoner Slayer; Jason vs. Jarred Padalecki; Friday the 13th: Jason Takes a Hostage
Synopsis: Jason Voorhees' tale is retold in this Platinum Dunes' produced remake. Does this mean Freddy vs. Jason vs. Leatherface is plausible now?
Kill Count: 13 (14 if you count Mrs. Voorhees in the opening sequence.)
My Favorite Kill: Jason slams a machete through a dock and buries the blade in the skull of a topless blonde.
Jason portrayed by: Derek Mears
First of all, I am so damned sick of remakes that I myself could become a hockey-masked killer. As I stated in a my review of Clash of the Titans, remakes are "pointless, emotionless efforts made only to cash in on the nostalgia factor of the classic films many of us have grown up with over the years." What's even sadder is that people keep going to see them! I myself am guilty of this, but only to a certain degree. (Sorry, but I can't say no to the upcoming Piranha 3D remake!)
With that said, I admit that I actively went to witness Jason's return to the big screen, which was made all the more exciting by the fact that this is the first New Line produced Friday the 13th film that actually has "Friday the 13th" in the title! So was it all that it was cracked up to be? Yes and no. The movie covers the original Friday the 13th in its opening moments, then sort of goofs up, because young Jason witnesses his mother's decapitation then picks up the ridiculously enormous machete when the "final girl" runs off.
Years later, Jason is all "growed up" and doing what he does best to anyone that invades his territory (or steals from his gigantic stash of marijuana plants). He's wearing a sack over his face (a la Friday the 13th Part 2) and soon upgrades to a hockey mask, which he discovers in the attic of a redneck's barn. (Really? That's it? There's no huge moment where he finds and dons the mask for the first time ever? God damn, you scriptwriters are lazy!) This movie doesn't really bring much new to the table, but there are a few cool surprises.
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We get our first "running Jason," which is kind of a big deal since we're all used to him walking slowly and patiently after his fleeing victims. Also, Mr. Voorhees takes his first hostage ever, which sent a lot of fans into a rage. While there is a reason for Jason's urge to kidnap a girl (other than to get the rest of the plot in motion), it is definitely way out of character for him.
Also, I thought it was kind of cool when its revealed that Jason, despite his murderous urges and physical deformity, is apparently the "Bob Villa of the slasher kingdom." He has a massive underground bunker system throughout Crystal Lake (which explains his ability to seemingly teleport ahead of his victims), builds and sets traps, and even develops a new way to kill someone in a sleeping bag. I know his momma would have been proud of him!
All in all, this is actually a pretty decent redo and only fails to satisfy on a few levels (e.g. Main douchebag character Trent gets his comeuppance, but it doesn't seem like its enough.) To tell you the truth, I wouldn't really mind if they made another one, but since this remake already (sort of) covered the first three original films, will Jason become a zombie in the next one? (Note: Production on Friday the 13th Part II has been canceled. Sorry "Friday" fans.)
6. FRIDAY THE 13TH (1980)AKA: Serial Mom; Jason Who?; Birth of a Franchise
Synopsis: When porn-stachioed Steve Christy attempts to reopen the "cursed" Camp Crystal Lake, people start dying!
Kill Count: 8
My Favorite Kill: Everyone always picks the "arrow through Kevin Bacon's throat" kill, but my fave is when his gal Marcie gets an axe to the face!
Jason portrayed by: Ari Lehman
Pamela Voorhess portrayed by: Betsy Palmer
With the success of John Carpenter's Halloween, many filmmakers and production companies sought to jump on the gravy train, leading to a seemingly endless stream of slasher flicks all through the 80's. Out of the maelstrom of dime-a-dozen slasher films, one little movie in particular ended up becoming a huge hit.
It utilized the stalking-POV technique from Halloween, but kept the killer's identity a mystery up to the end, and delivered some of the most shocking and memorable onscreen deaths seen at the time.
That movie of course, was Friday the 13th! The story is a simple one: Camp Crystal Lake is closed down after two teens are murdered by a mysterious killer, then years later the camp is reopened by an optimistic 70's pornstar-looking fellow by the name of Steve Christy. He has a group of teens come to the camp to get the place fixed up in time for its grand opening, and things go smoothly until Christy leaves the camp to run some errands. It seems that the mysterious killer has returned and soon the counselors are all being dispatched, one by one.
The film reaches a crescendo when Alice (the beautiful Adrienne King!) realizes she may be the very last person alive in the camp. She comes under attack from the unseen adversary and ends up running into a kindly older woman named Pamela Voorhees.
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At first Pam seems nice enough and very sympathetic to Alice's situation, and then she just... goes... f*cking NUTS! If you're a Friday fan (no, not the movie with Chris Tucker) then I don't need to discuss what happens next or how the film ends. If you don't, well, then pick up a copy and watch it damn you!
For a very long time, I had written off the original Friday the 13th as the weakest film of the series. But after revisiting it in recent years, I've discovered that this is a great little movie, and I have a newfound appreciation for it. It may not have started the slasher sub-genre of Horror, but it most certainly inspired many of the films that have been made since its release.
It's a milestone of filmmaking, and provides a simplistic (and nearly perfect) blueprint as to what a slasher film is supposed to be. Plus it was the first in the series to feature the amazing music of the extremely talented Harry Manfredini (who also happened to create the iconic "ki ki ki ma ma ma" sound heard in every film) and early effects work by Tom Savini!
In closing, even if it isn't your favorite film in Friday the 13th franchise, I demand that you respect it! And thank the movie gods that it exists, because without this film, a hockey mask, would still just be a hockey mask.
5. FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 3D (1982)AKA: Jason Pokes You in the Eye; Friday the 13th Part Gimmick
Synopsis: Jason pulls himself together after the events of Part 2 and slays a houseful of partying kids and a trio of bikers.
Kill Count: 12 (13 if you count Debbie's unborn child.)
My Favorite Kill: Andy walks down a hallway on his hands and is punished with a machete to the junk! OUCH!
Jason portrayed by: Richard Brooker
Friday the 13th Part 3D was when the franchise really started to pick up steam. All cheesy 3D effects aside, this one featured some of the coolest kills in the series, and introduces Jason as not only a serial killing juggernaut but a rapist too. (More on that in a moment.)
Part 3 takes place right where the previous film left off, with Jason still at large after being psyched out by Ginny. He makes his way back into the woods surrounding Crystal Lake and happens upon a little cabin (complete with creepy red barn) where a gal named Chris and some of her friends plan on having a weekend getaway.
Of course, you know how things are going to go, but this entry into the Friday the 13th series holds a few surprises in store for us viewers. First off, this movie came out during a short-lived period where 3D was all the rage (unfortunately, that gimmick has seen a resurgence and we, the filmgoing public, are getting screwed over because of it), so a lot of things come directly at the camera including yo-yos, eyeballs, various implements used for murder, and at one point, even a (fake) rattlesnake.
Even though the 3D version is now readily available on DVD (and Blu-ray!), most people have only seen the normal "2D" version, which makes a lot of the 3D scenes look really terrible. But if anything, that works in the movie's favor as these scenes provide a bit of (unintentional) comedic relief from the more horriffic elements.
Also, Chris apparently has already had a run-in with Mr. Voorhees in the past. She gives her boyfriend the cold shoulder whenever he's looking for a little action, and apparently its because of a fateful night when she was much younger, she ran away from the cabin and got lost in the woods, only to come across a large, deformed man. We get a brief glimpse of this in a flashback and its hinted at that she has become a total prude because of something Jason may have done to her. Yes, you read that right folks: Jason Voorhees is a rapist!
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Another cool thing about the movie is that Jason has improved his game significantly since the last film, and seems nearly unstoppable this time around. My theory is that he got a renewed sense of self-confidence after donning his trademark hockey mask for the first time. First of all, it kind of looks bad-ass and hides his deformed features; secondly, it is easier to see out of that, than a f*cking burlap sack!
At the film's climax, Chris is that last one standing and manages to not only (unsuccessfully) hang Jason, but bury a freakin' axe in his skull! This seems to stop the Voorhees Death Machine but Chris is forever mentally and emotionally scarred and trips some major balls (she hallucinates an attack from Jason's long dead mother) before the cops show up to scratch their heads in confusion.
This is easily one of my favorites in the entire series, and features one of the best Jason portrayers to date, namely Richard Brooker. His version of Jason Voorhees is frighteningly intelligent, swift, and brutal, and everytime he's on the screen, he commands your full attention. This movie also boasts a pretty rockin' soundtrack (give it a listen) and if you have the chance, check it out in 3D. It actually looks pretty cool!
I wonder... does the whole "Jason raped me" scenario from this film qualify it to be broadcast on Lifetime Women's Network?
4. FRIDAY THE 13TH PART IV: THE FINAL CHAPTER (1984)AKA: Jason Meets The Goonies; Feldman the 13th
Synopsis: Jason escapes from a hospital morgue and returns to Camp Crystal Lake to terrorize "Mouth" from The Goonies and George McFly!
Kill Count: 13 (14 if you count Jason himself.)
My Favorite Kill: Seeing George McFly get a cleaver to the face is good; seeing Jason fall to the floor and have a machete slowly slice through half his face is even better!
Jason portrayed by: Ted White
Friday the 13th 3D set the bar pretty high, but The Final Chapter somehow manages to surpass it in many ways. The production here has a slicker feel (looks like Paramount coughed up some dough for its bastard franchise), the makeup and gore effects were done by the ingenious Tom Savini, and Jason has finally come into his own as a serial slasher. He is downright untouchable.
Picking up where number three left off, Jason's body is taken to a nearby hospital morgue. Feeling restless, the homicidal hulk kills a horny doctor and nurse, then ventures back to the wilds of Crystal Lake to punish more promiscuous teens. Among these soon-to-be victims is George McFly himself, Crispin Glover, who steals the show as a nerdy guy who worries about his sexual prowess and dances like he's having an epileptic seizure.
Another big name in the cast is a very young Corey Feldman who plays Jason's eventual arch-nemesis, Tommy Jarvis. Tommy is a whiz-kid that has an obssession with monster movies and makes his own creature masks. While that may sound like a useless hobby now, I assure you that it comes in handy later.
Jason, as usual, begins picking off victims one by one, until all that is left is Tommy, his older sister Trish, and a fellow named Rob who has actually been hunting Jason to avenge the death of his sister. Jason ends up making short work of Rob, then goes after Trish, who holds her own long enough for Tommy to devise a plan.
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Tommy, using sketches of Jason from a newspaper article, shaves his head and puts on a bit of makeup to make himself look like a young Jason. Though the end result of his labors makes him look more like a young Uncle Fester, Jason is jarred by the site of Tommy and is distracted long enough for Trish to hack the mask from her attacker's face with a machete.
During the awkward moment follwing Jason's unmasking, Tommy grabs the machete and plants it firmly in Jason's face. The shocked tard-monster falls forward and slowly drives the edged weapon through his own gruesome face, and is then hacked up by the now mentally disturbed Tommy Jarvis.
The Final Chapter is one of the absolute best in the Friday the 13th series and would have ended it all on a high note. A lot of love and attention went into this film, and it really shows. However, where there's a will (or a buttload of money to be made) there's a way, and if Michael Myers and Freddy could keep coming back, then why not Jason too?
3. FRIDAY THE 13TH PART V: A NEW BEGINNING (1985)
AKA: Death LARP; Friday the Faux-teenth
Synopsis: Years after his duel with Jason Voorhees, (non-Corey Feldman) Tommy Jarvis ends up at a house for troubled teens, where the killings begin anew...
Kill Count: 20 (22 if you count the two guys that die in Tommy's dream)
My Favorite Kill: A gent named Eddie gets his head crushed... WITH A LEATHER BELT! (As seen HERE.)
Jason portrayed by: Tom Morga
I'm sure many of you are surprised by the inclusion of this particular film in the top five. Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning is very much the black sheep of the entire series as it is the only one that (SPOILER ALERT!!!) does not feature Jason Voorhees. Actually, let me rephrase that. This is the only film to not feature the REAL Jason Voorhees. That alone has made this one of the least loved in the franchise, but I urge all of you New Beginning haters to reconsider your opinions on this movie.
After a cool nightmare sequence where Jason steps forth from the grave and kills two people, while a slightly older Corey Feldman looks on in terror, we discover that its been years since the demise of Mr. Voorhees, and now Tommy Jarvis is a "troubled teen" that is on his way to a halfway house. But things do not go smoothly for Tommy because soon after his arrival, one of his fellow "roommates" (the doughy, chocolate-loving Joey) is hacked up with an axe by another patient that has obvious anger management issues.
This unexpected murder sets off a chain reaction, and soon a certain hockey-masked maniac begins cutting a swathe of vengeance throughout the area. Eventually, the cast gets thinned down to Tommy, Reggie, and Pam who all battle Jason in an old barn (a nod towards Part 3D perhaps?). Despite injuring the masked killer multiple times, he keeps coming (impressive, most impressive) and chases the trio of survivors up into the hay loft. It is here that Tommy comes face to face with his greatest fear... and pusses out. Instead of attacking Jason, Tommy goes catatonic until slashed across the abdomen with a machete.
With Tommy out of the way, Jason goes after his remaining targets but is thwarted after Tommy grows a pair and shoves Jason out of the loft and down onto a tractor harrow (of spiky death!). As the three survivors glance down, they discover that (SPOILER ALERT AGAIN!!!) there is no monster-tard behind the mask.
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Nope! Turns out that the killer is actually a paramedic that we briefly see earlier in the film. This guy's name is Roy, and Joey (the chocolate-eating buffoon that literally 'got the axe') was his son. Apparently Roy decided that the best way to express his grief was to impersonate a dead serial killer and murder as many people as he could.
As the film ends, Pam visits Tommy at the hospital where he recuperating from his machete wound. However as she enters his room, she discovers that the window has been smashed in and that Tommy is missing. As she ventures closer to the window to investigate, Tommy steps out from behind the door with a butcher knife in hand, and Roy's hockey mask on his face. The movie is then officially over, and leaves up with this cliffhanger ending. Has Tommy gone mad or been possessed by Jason Voorhees? Will he murder Pam, escape from the hospital, and start a new reign of blood-soaked terror? Guess you won't know until you read on... or watch Part VI!
Friday the 13th Part V is a fun flick and one of the better films in the series in my opinion. I think it gets unfair treatment from a lot of fans, if only because of the "Scooby-Doo ending." Truthfully, if that bothers you at all, then compare the handiwork of Roy to Jason and tell me that the grieving paramedic sullied Jason's name in any way. If anything, this guy could teach Mr. Voorhees a thing or two about killing folks.
Roy takes some punishment and keeps coming at the finale, and he pulls off some truly inventive kills (e.g. A road flare is shoved into a guy's mouth; one guy's head is crushed with a leather belt; Demon's outhouse impaling) and also utilizes the old tried and true methods of slicing, stabbing, and gouging.
But with Jason dead and gone, and with Roy pushing up daisies, how can the series continue onward? Sure Tommy may end up being the killer in the next one... but he'll probably die too. So what then? Will this be some continuing curse that finds a new victim at the end of each massacre?! The hell with that: Let's bring Jason back from the grave!
2. FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VI: JASON LIVES (1986)AKA: Man With the Golden Machete; He's Back, the Man Behind the Mask; The Tommy Jarvis Chronicles
Synopsis: Tommy Jarvis, now in his 20's and fresh out of a mental institution, accidentally brings Jason back from the dead!
Kill Count: 18
My Favorite Kill: Oh gosh... what to pick, what to pick.... I guess I'll go with Sheriff Garris getting folded in half by Jason. Ouchie!
Jason portrayed by: C.J. Graham
Two years after Jason's actual demise, Paramount decided to bring him back from the dead... literally. Friday the 13th Part VI is where the series began its spiral into self-referential humor, with several slapstick (splatstick?) deaths, and a James Bond parody during the opening credits.
In this film, Tommy Jarvis returns (this time played by Return of the Living Dead star, Thom Matthews) and is now a somewhat stable adult, looking to bury his childhood fears forever. To do this, he feels that he must dig up the rotting corpse of Jason Voorhees, just to make sure he's dead. (Sort of ironic, no?)
Enlisting the help of a close friend, Tommy digs up Jason, then attacks the corpse with a steel rod ripped from the nearby cemetary fence. As he walks away to grab a gascan (Tommy planned on burning Jason's remains), a bolt of lightning from an oncoming storm hits the rod and in true Frankenstein fashion, brings Jason to life. Rotting and covered in maggots, the undead slasher kills Tommy's friend but for some reason, allows Tommy to escape.
Jason then methodically stomps through the woods, back to Camp Crystal Lake (which is now known as Camp Forest Green) killing goofy paintballers and other unfortunate victims along the way. In the meantime, Tommy desperately tries to alert the authorities, but ends up getting thrown in jail, leaving Jason free to continue his zombie bloodbath.
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Tommy, with the aid of the Sheriff's daughter, escapes his cell and heads off to the former Camp Blood to save the day. But how can you kill someone that is already dead, and was already hard enough to kill when he was alive? The truth is, you can't. So, Tommy does the next best thing and lures Jason out into Crystal Lake, and then puts a chain around Voorhees' neck that is attached to a large rock. In the process of doing this though, Jason snaps the boat in two and drags Tommy underwater. Tommy battles against his undead anchor until the life is choked from him.
Sheriff Garris' daughter then dives into the lake to save Tommy, and as she begins pulling his body towards shore, Jason grabs her leg. (Doh!) As she struggles to free herself from her attacker, she grabs onto the back half of Tommy's boat and manages to get the motor going. She aims the propeller at Jason whose face and neck are promptly chopped up by the spinning blades, causing him to convulse madly underwater. Eventually Jason goes limp (after the prop takes a huge chunk of his mask and face away) and silently remains in his watery grave until the next movie.
Part VI is a big favorite amongst fans; it's a fun horror flick that isn't afraid to poke fun at itself. It has some of the most memorable kills, a great cast, an eerie score, a theme song written and performed by Alice Cooper, and features one of the best incarnations of Jason I've seen to date.
C.J. Graham portrays Jason as an unstoppable killing machine that fears nothing, and sets a pretty high standard for anyone else playing the role in future films. But as enjoyable as this one is, it isn't my absolute favorite of the bunch. That honor is reserved for the the next film in the series, and the final one on my list...
1. FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VII: THE NEW BLOOD (1988)AKA: Carrie vs. Jason; Weekend at Voorhees'
Synopsis: Jason, still chained beneath Crystal Lake, is accidentally resurrected by a girl with telekinetic powers. Now its up to her to put Jason back where he belongs.
Kill Count: 15 (16 if you count Tina's dad in the beginning.)
My Favorite Kill: A girl in sleeping bag gets bashed against a tree.
Jason portrayed by: Kane Hodder
Here it is folks, my favorite Friday the 13th film! Directed by John Carl Buechler (Troll, Cellar Dweller, The Dungeonmaster, et al.), this particular movie in the franchise features my all time favorite Jason Voorhees design.
Taking place about a decade after the events of the previous film, The New Blood begins with an amazing intro chronicling the legend of Jason Voorhees. (Opening narration courtesy of "Crazy Ralph" himself, Walt Gorney!)
Afterwards, we meet Jason's eventual arch-nemesis in the film, a young girl named Tina. During an argument between her folks, mom gets slapped by dad, and Tina races out of the house, hops in a boat, and paddles out into Crystal Lake. (And yes, our favorite hockey-masked zombie is still quietly chained below.) Tina's dad comes outside to apologize and get his daughter back to the safety of dry land, but is ultimately killed when the dock beneath him is collapsed by Tina's apparent telekinetic powers.
Skip ahead ten years and Tina is now a troubled girl, trying to deal with her special abillities. Her therapist, Dr. Crews (Terry Kiser from Weekend at Bernie's!) has brought her and her mother (Susan Blu, the voice of Arcee from The Transformers cartoon series and movie!) to Crystal Lake to confront her fears and get a grip on her dangerously unpredictable powers.
And then disaster strikes. Tina, fed up with Dr. Crews, and upset that she can't be normal like the partying coeds in the cabin next door, decides to try and bring her dad back with her powers. (Wait, huh? They never recovered the body?!) She instead frees Jason and brings him back to life yet again, but this time our main machete man is in pretty rough shape. His clothing is tattered, his flesh is rotting (some of his bones are even visible), and there's not much mask left to cover his horrifying visage.
Tina faints, and Jason ventures off into the woods around Crystal Lake to begin his killing spree anew. The movie plays out like your typical "Friday the 13th" from this point on, with Jason dispatching horny teens in a variety of fun ways. (e.g. he bashes a girl in a sleeping bag against a tree, slams a party horn into another girl's eye-socket, and uses a motorized tree-trimming saw to eviscerate the much-despised Dr. Crews.)
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At the big climax, Jason has taken out everyone except for Tina and her love interest, Nick. Trapped, with no chance of escape, Tina begins putting her telekinetic powers to use and gives Jason the beating of his (un)life! He gets hit with a mentally-thrown couch, strangled by sentient electrical wire, knocked through a staircase, blasted with nails, set on fire, and has the roof over a front porch dropped right on his head. (I'd also like to note that Jason is maskless during most of this punishment. Tina used her powers to have the elastic bands from Jason's mask begin squeezing his head, which eventually destroys the mask and reveals his awesomely gruesome face!)
But even after all of that punishment, Jason just keeps coming. With no other tricks up her sleeve (how about using your telekinesis to send Jason flying back into the lake?) Tina tries to resurrect her father again, which surprisingly works! Her (slightly mossy) zombie-dad bursts up through the dock, wraps a chain around Jason's neck, and drags him back to his resting place underwater.
Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood had it pretty rough before its initial release in movie theaters. There were some big script changes (believe it or not, this was originally going to be "Freddy vs. Jason!"), disagreements over certain scenes in the film between John Buechler and the producers (in the ending, Tina's father was supposed to be as horrifically decomposed as Jason), and worst of all, the film got raped by the MPAA. (Just about every death in the film was pared-down so that this film could receive its "R" rating and head to theaters! Worst of all, a lot the uncut footage has gone missing, so we may never get to see a fully unrated version of the film! Grrr...)
Despite all of that though, I consider this to be the best of the bunch (as does Kane Hodder), with great makeup effects (by John Buechler), a cool little storyline, and some very satisfying (though heavily edited) kills. The final battle between Jason and Tina is epic as hell, and Jason really takes a beating! Sure he's had some good matches against various "final girls," Freddy Krueger, and Kay-Em 14 (the hot android warrior from Jason X), but the punishment he receives in those movies pales in comparison to the damage he takes here. (He's beaten, strangled, stabbed, electrocuted, shot, burned, crushed, and drowned. Sheesh! He's like a modern day Grigori Rasputin!)
So there you have it ladies and gents; my personal, definitive rankings for the Friday the 13th franchise. It's a fun series that has really evolved over the past (as of my writing this) thirty years, with each new film adding something new to Jason's mythology.
A huge thanks must go out to everyone involved with the creation and evolution of the "Friday the 13th" films including: Kane Hodder, C.J. Graham, Ken Kirzinger, Warrington Gillette, Tom Morga, Derek Mears, Ted White, Richard Brooker, Ari Lehman, Betsy Palmer, Steve Miner, Tom Savini, Harry Manfredini, John Carl Buechler, and of course, all of Jason's (Pamela's and Roy's) victims. Thank you all for creating my favorite slasher movie series, and for developing one of the most popular horror movie icons of all time.
(Note: This "thank you" in no way applies to Director Rob Hedden, who helmed Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan.)
Anyway, seeing as how this is merely my own personal opinion, I'm sure many of you may disagree with how my list here is ranked. If you're feeling froggy, feel free to share your thoughts and rank the "Friday the 13th" series as you see fit in the B-Movie Film Vault Forum!