As I sit here watching my Blu-ray of Escape from New York it suddenly occurs to me that I met the man who not only directed it, but also scored it and wrote its screenplay. Holy cow... I really did meet John Carpenter didn't I? (That's more or less a rhetorical question, but the answer is a resounding yes!) But before I get to my brief meeting with the legendary John Carpenter, let us go back to the beginning of this tale of high adventure!
After Monster-Mania XIV in March, I didn't think I'd be able to make it to another convention this year, the main reason being this: Conventions are expensive! Then fate intervened in the form of an acquaintance of mine named Joe, a former police officer/aspiring film maker who has a distinct love for old school Universal horror films. He and some friends were going to head to Cherry Hill, NJ for Monster-Mania XV, and he offered me a lift. All I could say to that was "Hell yeah!"
Sadly Joe's plans fell through, and it seemed that I would be unable to make it to Monster-Mania. And then fate stepped in again when I threw the idea of making a day trip on Saturday, August 21st, to some friends. My buddies Greg (construction worker and cinemaphile) and Adam (ladies man, and "hater" of anything from the 80's) took me up on my offer, and our mighty triumverate was formed! We planned on staying here at my house, departing early at 7AM, then spending the whole day at Monster-Mania Con, and since there were three of us to do it, we would split a hotel room.
THE JOURNEY
But the best laid plans of mice and nerds often go awry, as we ended up hitting the road an hour later than anticipated. Still, we weren't worried because check-in time at the hotel was at noon, so we made sure to stop at a Waffle House (mmmm.... buttermilky goodness), then make the long trek to Cherry Hill. The ride, for the most part, went smoothly until we neared Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love, maniacal drivers, and confusing road construction. Said construction confounded the GPS I borrowed from my girlfriend (who sadly couldn't make it), so we missed the crucial exit that would bring us into the dark heart of Philly.
We had to get off on the next exit, turn around, and then once again face the horror that is Philadelphia traffic. We experienced a few close calls on the way into and through Central Philly, but one occasion was simply bone-jarring. Some jerk ahead of us at one point, slammed on his brakes, forcing Greg to do the same. The brakes locked up and we skidded to a halt, mere inches from the moron in the car ahead of us. Luckily, Greg and I were wearing our seatbelts. Adam on the other hand was not. He was dozing in the back, seatbeltless and vulnerable, and when Greg hit the brakes Adam was thrown into the back of my seat and onto the floor. (Con Lesson #1: Wear your seatbelt on the trip down.)
Eventually we succeeded in getting to the Franklin Bridge, which is basically the gateway into Cherry Hill, with no further issues, and soon arrived at our destination: The Crowne Plaza Hotel. We entered the insanely crowded parking lot and weaved our way through a labyrinth of parked cars, horror fans, and LARPers. (Con Lesson #2: Arrive early to get choice parking.) We amazingly lucked out and found a spot relatively close to the hotel, then grabbed our gear and ventured inside the bustling hotel to check in.
MONSTER-MANIA XV!
After settling in at our room (which originally was supposed to have TWO beds, not one, and smelled so strongly of, what we believe was some sort of curry, that we had to leave the window open all afternoon to air the room out) we went downstairs, got our tickets, and entered the realm of Monster-Mania Con XV! Right off the bat I got a photo with two gents dressed as Michael Meyers and Jason Voorhees respectively. I was sort of curious as to why "The Shape" was carrying a phone (could Russell Crowe be under that mask?), but then recalled that a phone cord is used to strangle P.J. Soles in the original film Halloween!
Photo 1: This is what happens when you don't pay your phone bill.
Photo 2: Which Voorhees does not belong?
After that, I led my compatriots into the vendors' area and met up with our friends from Fright Rags, including the awesomely friendly Ben Scrivens, Kristy Jett, and Tim Kilmer! It was nice seeing these guys (and gal) again, as Greg and I hadn't seem them since "Fright Rags Weekend" back in mid-July! Also sitting at the Fright Rags table was one of Canada's finest (and friendliest) artists, Jason Edmiston, who was selling prints of his latest work. (Check out Jason's site at JasonEdminston.com! He is a fantastic artist!)
We all chatted for a bit and then I moved a bit to the left and stopped to bug yet another talented artist, namely Jeff Zornow. (ZORNOW MUST BE DESTROYED!) Jeff was doing custom sketches for thirty bucks and I decided to throw a crazy inspiration I had, just to see if he could pull it off. I asked him if he could draw a gigantic Ashley J. Williams battling Godzilla, and wanted Ash's metallic hand to made out of various cars. He mulled it over for a brief moment and said, "Sure! Give me about fifteen minutes." Instead of waiting right there, I gave him my cash and wandered around the rest of the dealer rooms, visiting my pals Terry (the man behind Screaming Brain Studio) and Sean (of VHSPS fame).
After catching up with those guys and perusing the crazy items the other dealers were selling (posters, t-shirts, DVDs, DVD-Rs, toys, custom made masks, indie films, and so much more!), I came back to Jeff's table to behold my insane idea, sketched to perfection. I was shocked and one-hundred percent pleased with my thirty-dollar purchase. Jeff's artistic rendering was spot-on, and I have to say that his "Godzilla vs. Ash" sketch has to be the most cherished item I've walked away with from any convention to date.
Custom Zornow sketch: $30. Look on my face when I saw finished sketch: Priceless!
After doing our light shopping (Greg grabbed a McFarlane Toys "Snake Plissken!"), we headed off to meet some of the guests. The Boondock Saints' (comprised of Sean Patrick Flanery, Norman Reedus, and David Della Rocco) and John Carpenter's lines were both ridiculously long, so we ventured off to see who else we could find. The first room we went into held all of the "minor" special guests such as Amy Steele (Ginny) from Friday the 13th Part 2, Tiffany Helm from Friday the 13th Part V: A New Begnning, and Marta Kober (the chesty impalement victim) from Friday the 13th Part 2.
We breezed through that room without meeting anyone, then headed for a different autograph room. And just to explain myself, I would have loved to stop and chat with any of these folks, but A.) my money was limited and I had my heart set on meeting the more prominent guests and B.) I would've felt obligated to actually buy a glossy and have them sign it if I stopped to greet any one of them.
Our next stop brought us to the autograph area with the more notable guests, and the first one I stepped up to talk with was the one, and only, William Forsythe. Adam and I approached him, and William immediately stuck out his hand and greeted us. We started off talking about movies, but then our conversation veered off into a discussion about how modern technology is really screwing us over because we are becoming too reliant on it.
Adam and I chillin' with Forsythe: Future hero in the war against Skynet.
Bill told me how he had every important phone number committed to memory before he got a cell phone, and now he can't remember a single one. Then I brought up our brief misadventure with the GPS on the way to the convention, and Bill regaled us with an anecdote about a buddy of his that lived in Chicago his entire life, and now can't get anywhere without a newgangled GPS.
I should also note that Bill shared some cool info about his next two upcoming film projects with Adam and I. The first movie is Inkubus which also features Robert Englund. In Inkubus, Englund portrays a murderous demon whose nefarious plan is to have a final showdown with a detective (William Forsythe) that had almost ended his reign of terror thirteen years prior. Bill also mentioned that he was playing John Wayne Gacy in another film (Dear Mr. Gacy) and I'm not one-hundred percent sure, but either that particular film is a musical, or Mr. Forsythe said that he was also going to be in a musical along with these other projects. (Curse my finnicky memory!)
After meeting Bill, Adam and I stood in line to meet the gorgeous Felissa Rose, who played Angela in Sleepaway Camp! (Haven't seen it? Well shame on you!) She was absolutely one of the best guests I've ever had the pleasure of meeting at a convention; she was super friendly, talkative, and fun as hell! I told her how I showcased Sleepaway Camp at a Halloween party I had about two years ago, and how shocked everyone was at the twist ending. Then I had her sign my (out of print and highly collectible) Sleepaway Camp boxed set. She asked me what I wanted her to write and I gave her carte blanche. The result was this: "To Jordan: Um... Burt Reynolds! Lots of Love, Felissa Rose. xoxo" (Did I fail to mention that she was tipsy from having a few glasses of wine?)
Pictured: Beauty (Felissa Rose!) & the Beast (me) and... The Most Random Autograph EVER!
With two of the guests checked off my autograph list, I was eager to move on and see if I could hop in John Carpenter's line. Since it was still literally out the front door, I opted instead to have lunch with my two cohorts. We went into the hotel's restaurant and had a (pricy) but delicious meal, which I enjoyed with two overpriced mixed drinks. (For the record, a rum and coke and a White Russian.) After eating, we ventured back out into the hotel lobby and discoverd that (GASP!) the line to the "Boondock Saints" room was gone! We quickly formed up at the door, and within moments we were standing in line to shake hands with, and get autographs from, Sean Patrick Flanery, David Della Rocco, and Norman Reedus.
Since my gal Tara could not attend the convention, I promised her I'd get Sean and Norman's autographs for her. Both actors were happy enough to oblige, and Norman even left her a note on her photo, asking "Tara, Where are you?" I also got myself an autograph from both gents, and even snagged an autograph from David Della Rocco for my best friend Chris. ("John F*cking Duke!") All three of the "Saints" were very personable, and they seemed to be having a blast. My only gripe however is that all of us fans were funneled in and out of the room as fast as possible and weren't allowed to take pictures, unless we returned a few hours later.
After meeting those guys, we took a break to put our swag upstairs in our hotel room. When we came back downstairs to the lobby, Adam went outside for a smoke. Moments later, he came back inside with a huge grin on his face and some cool photos on his phone. Apparently he shot the breeze with David Della Rocco out front and got a picture with him, courtesy of a drunk who didn't know how to take a picture with Adam's cellphone. (Said drunk fellow managed to also take a picture of himself while trying to operate the camera.) This led up to me grabbing Dave for a quick photo (which he didn't mind at all) and started a recurring theme for the night, where Adam would vanish, then suddenly be side by side with David Della Rocco.
A quick photo op with David Della Rocco & the manic Lloyd Kaufman and the Troma team!
For the next few hours, we strolled around the con and found our way back to the Fright-Rags table, and this is where our merry band temporarily broke up. Greg had his heart set on watching John Carpenter's They Live, but I really wanted to meet Lloyd Kaufman. I told Greg I was gonna go scope out the Troma table and took Adam along. Lloyd wasn't there at first, so I waited and picked up DVDs of Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. and Chris Watson's Zombiegeddon while Adam was constantly bombarded with questions by a busty blonde Tromette.
Eventually Adam got annoyed and ran off to watch They Live with Greg, so I chilled out and waited for "Uncle Lloyd" to make his grand entrance. Ten minutes later, he arrived on the scene and morphed from tired-looking old man into the Lloyd we all love and know. He was really energetic and manic to the extreme, and my attempts at having a conversation with him didn't quite pan out. I got a photo with him, Toxie, and two Tromettes, and managed to have him sign my Sgt. Kabukiman DVD before he grabbed the next person in line and started mugging for the camera.
I was sort of disappointed that I didn't get to chat it up with the man who created the Toxic Avenger so I decided to head upstairs to watch They Live, when I noticed that the line to John Carpenter was almost non-existant. Not one to pass up a chance, I went outside and got in line, and within ten minutes, was ushered into a small autograph room with John Carpenter! (And... Erin Gray from Buck Rogers?) I took a seat in the room, along with about a dozen other rabid Carpenter fans and waited intently to meet this living legend of cult cinema.
In almost no time at all, our group was lined up against the wall (mainly because I told everyone to get up and hop in line since one of the staff members in the back of the room wasn't paying attention), and I suddenly realized that I had nothing for John to sign. (My The Fog DVD cover that was signed by Tom Atkins was upstairs in the hotel room! Doh!) Some glossies were on hand, but they weren't very good ones. Since I was coming up next, I grabbed a small 8 x 15 glossy of The Thing, handed in thirty bucks and prepared for glory!
The legendary John Carpenter being annoyed by me & photo op with the lovely Erin Gray!
I was pumped for this moment and was so damned excited to meet THE John Carpenter, especially after every person that I talked to at the convention likened it to a near-religious experience. When my turn came, I gave him a hearty handshake (I may have even gripped his hand a bit too hard in retrospect) and said something along the lines of: "I'm a huge fan and it is so great to meet you. The Thing is one of my all-time favorite movies, and its definitely my favorite out of all your movies." (Gushing fanboy status achieved!) John quietly looked up at me and said "Thank you." Then.... silence.....
I didn't know how else to proceed with the conversation as everyone else I met was talkative and friendly. All I could think to say next was "So I hear they're making a "Thing" prequel. Are you involved in that?" John's curt reply: "Nope." My lame attempt at humor: "Any chance you can stop it from being made?" John: "Nope." Me, confused, and a bit saddened: "Well... at least we'll always have this one, right? Thanks, it was great meeting you." [Exeunt Stage Left] I did manage to get a picture with Mr. Carpenter, and then stopped at Erin Gray's table to say hello. I chatted with her for a moment, then had her sign a glossy of her being strangled by "Tumor-Jason" from Jason Goes to Hell, and finally got a photo with her for a ten dollar fee that went toward a charity that helps battered wives. (Mmm..... battered wives..... sounds delicious!)
Still disappointed with my meeting with John Carpenter, I sought solace in the final forty-five minutes of They Live. When the movie ended, I teamed back up with Greg, then went to find Adam, who ran off before the big climax to see if he won a raffle for a signed Boondock Saints framed print. (Sadly, he did not.) We eventually convened back in our hotel room and had a few cocktails while watching The Dark Knight on HBO. However, I had to run off on my own again because I realized that I entered a raffle to win a life-sized sculpture of the "crab-head" from The Thing! Unfortunately I did not win the sculpture, and thus, missed out on owning a great tool for pranks.
When I discovered that this was being raffled off, all I could say was: "You gotta be f*cking kidding...."
Since I was in the midst of the main vendor's room, I visited Terry Callen and bought some DVD-Rs from him (Mom, Rocktober Blood, and Spookies), then headed over to the VHSPS stand and grabbed a trio of DVD-Rs from those guys (The Wild Beasts, Brain Smasher ... A Love Story, and The Outing). I started back to my room, but made a quick pit stop at the Fright-Rags table to see what those guys were all doing after the vendor's room shut its doors at 7PM.
They invited my friends and I to a gathering at a little placed called "The Pop Shop," which sounded like a strip club or sex shop, but was instead a nice, family-oriented restaraunt with the most amazing food I've had in quite a while. Greg pounded down an enormous stack of blueberry pancakes, Adam got a big, juicy bacon-cheeseburger, and I splurged and ordered gravy fries, buffalo chicken tenders, and a Peanut Butter Cup milkshake.
With bellies filled over capacity, we all left and drove back to the hotel where we all pretty much just stood around and shot the breeze in the lobby. Eventually the group began to dwindle down, leaving Greg, Adam, and I to scope out out all the Rocky Horror Picture Show fans who were beginning to arrive for the midnight show.
Since the three of us aren't fans of "sweet transvestites from transexual Transylvania," and had an early start the next day, we returned to our hotel room, had a few drinks, and watched "Chappelle Show" and "The Boondocks" before drifting off to sleep. (And somehow, I managed to get the bed, while my buddies staked out territory on the floor. Thanks guys!)
DISASTER STRIKES...... NOT!
At 5AM, while in a deep sleep, I suddenly hear an alarm sound. At first I thought it was someone's cellphone, or even the alarm clock on the night-table by the bed, but no, it is the hotel's fire alarm. Adam and I hastily got up and put our shoes on, while Greg groaned and told us to call him if the building was actually engulfed in flames. After assembling outside with some of the hotel guests, we learned that it was a practical joke, and that some idiot pulled a fire alarm. After a quick visit from the local fire department, we went back in, angry and tired, and all went back to our respective rooms to try and get a little more sleep.
EPILOGUE
When Adam and I returned to the room, we passed back out. Greg on the other hand was wide awake and apparently wandered around Cherry Hill, most likely rescuing cats from high tree limbs, cleaning up litter around the hotel and surrounding businesses, and exacting severe vigilante justice upon petty crooks. Sure he says he just went for a stroll and enjoyed some coffee and a bagel, but I know the truth....
In any case, Adam and I eventually woke up around 8AM, showered (ewww... not together!), and packed up our gear. A little after nine, we hopped in the car, turned on the GPS, and made the return journey to Northeastern, PA. This time around, the traffic in Philadelphia was pretty light (guess everyone was at church) and we made it to Scranton without incident. After refueling and scarfing down some Wendy's (mmm.... double-baconator: clogger of arteries, destroyer of souls) we made the remainder of our journey to my house, and then went our seperate ways.
And lucky me, I had to get ready for work as soon as I got in the door, so unlike my two friends, I didn't get to go home and take a nap. What a perfect way to cap off my triumphant homecoming, right?
Egads! I forgot to mention that I met the Tarman, and the Zombie Pinup gals from BombshellMandy.com!
So that was Monster-Mania XV; it was a lot of fun, though I didn't particularly like how we were herded through to see the "Saints" and John Carpenter (who is apparently a very quiet and reclusive fellow, hermitlike even, which explains why he wasn't very personable). All in all, it was worth the trip, and I walked away with a few new friends, and a lot of great memories. (Speaking of memories.... I just realized that I briefly met, and got a photo with H.G. Lewis, the "Godfather of Gore" himself! He was a very nice fellow and I wish I had the picture, which is currently trapped in limbo on Adam's old cellphone. If I can rescue it, I'll post it here!)
Monster-Mania XVI is coming up soon (September 17th - 19th) in Hunt Valley, Maryland. I really want to go, and I think I can pull off a weekend trip for the con, but thus far, it looks like I'll be flying solo. My girlfriend can't get the time off, and it seems like none of my friends can come with, or have enough interest to join me on my next adventure. I suppose I'll just play it by ear, and hope that I can somehow get out there and meet up with the likes of John Saxon, Robert Englund, Charles Band, and various other genre personalities, and also see my friends Kristy, and Bill (who hails from Radiation-Scarred Reviews) and anyone else who manages to make it to this event.
I urge all who read this to attend this convention or any others, like Chiller or Horrorfind Weekend; it's a pricy endeavor, but totally worth it. And once you go to one, you get addicted and need to go to others. If you are interested in going and are looking for further information, visit Monster-Mania.Net. The site has a complete guest list (updated frequently, so check it often), event schedule, ticket pricing, hotel information, and a pretty lively Forum.
Here's hoping to be wandering around Monster-Mania XVI on the weekend of September 17th - 19th. If I make it to the convention, maybe I'll see you there!
LISTEN TO MY MONSTER-MANIA XV PODCAST
For further information about my adventures at Monster-Mania CON XV, and tips on going to conventions like this one, listen to
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